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One of the many transitions any couple has to go through once they are married is the transition from having complete control over one's financial matters into sharing the decisions one makes regarding money. Now, this shift in financial control can at times be tough particularly when you both come to a disagreement regarding where the money should be going. For instance, in a collective culture such as ours, sometimes, we feel called to help out our relatives, to share a little part of our blessings in order to help lighten their financial burdens. However, our spouses may not necessarily share the same calling. You may have always been used to helping a family member out financially while your spouse never had to.
If you are in the position right now where you find yourself wanting to give but your spouse does not, it may be helpful to firstly ask yourself if the need to give is absolute or a preference of yours? To help someone with an absolute need, for example, would be to pay a medical bill or a tuition fee. On the other hand, to help with a preferred need is, for example, would be to treat your parents to an overseas holiday. It is a nice gesture, but maybe you don't necessarily have to do it now. If it is an absolute need, however, this is where you need to have a discussion with your partner regarding what his take is the subject.
Have an open conversation about this and communicate to your partner about what this gesture of giving actually means to you. If you truly feel within your heart that you want to help because it is for an important cause then allow your partner to understand. Remember that just because you both have a disagreement on this does not mean that either one of your is right or wrong. So, do take into consideration what your partner's views are on giving financially. If he happens to have a different outlook than you then it is still important for you to be able to understand where he is coming from.
The last thing you want to do is to give without your partner's consent. If you want to be generous and give — give together. Don't help out other people at the expense of your marriage. Your marriage should be your top priority. And if it so happens to be that your spouse is the one who feels called to be generous or to help out people financially, but you are not, then ask yourself why. If you want to make your spouse happy, you will do what will make him or her happy too. To give is always better than to receive, because in giving, we will find happiness.
