Would You Date Yourself?

Now, it might sound a little bit out of the box and quite a random question to be asking yourself however, take your time and really think about what your answer is. When we are dating, sometimes our main focus is on our potential partner – what kind of a person we want them to be. It can be fairly easy to describe in great detail the standards we have for our significant other, but what we often forget is to take a good look at ourselves. Before you answer your question, here are a few things to do in order to make answering it easier.

Step 1: The person you want to be with

Make a list of things that you want in your partner. This is the fun and easy part. Grab a pen and paper (or your laptop) and write down as detailed as you can, the kind of person you want to be with. These standards cannot just be about the physical, you must go deeper than that. For example, think about how you want this person to treat you. Think about how you would want them to be with you when you are upset – do you want them to be caring, attentive, and understanding? How do you want them to be when they get upset – able to communicate with you or needing space from you? Think about your standards for how they are with their family and friends. Do you want them to be close to their family? Do you want them to be loyal to their friends? What about how you would want them to be with your friends – do you want him to be treat them with respect and kindness? Think about how you would want them to react to certain things, your past, your future and your present. Think about your standards for the extent that this person would grow for you or learn new things. Do you want them to be adventurous and spontaneous? Think of the standards you have on their level of chivalry, politeness and energy. Do you want them to be well spoken and respectful? Allow yourself to really get into the nitty-gritty of how you would like your ideal partner to be and don't be shy about it – the more detailed the better. The point is to really have as clear of a picture as you can possibly have to how your ideal partner would be like.

Step 2: Do you meet your own standards?

Now that you have written down the type of person you would like to be with, it is time to take a good look at what you have written and ask yourself: To what extent do I live up to each and every one of these standards myself? Make sure you answer this question honestly because let's face it, this isn't a very easy question to answer as it requires you to really self-reflect. This part is important because what you have written earlier goes into making up someone who you find attractive and who you want to be with – now, you have a bunch of tips and clues to how you can also be the ideal partner yourself. Now, don't be alarmed or ashamed if the answer to that question is that you are far from the standard that you have for your ideal partner. This isn't supposed to be making you feel bad about yourself, though it might be a harsh and quite a cold truth to some of us however, this question sheds light on how we are as a person ourselves, which we often would not be able to see otherwise. If you see any gaps whether big or small that exists between who you want to be with who you are now, look at them as areas for self-improvements. When we focus too much of our energy trying to find 'the one', yet we fail to look at ourselves in the process, what we do is neglect the very reason 'the one' would even want to be with us. If you want someone who is positive, caring, loyal, ambitious and kind then you must be all of these things yourself first. Like attracts like – someone like that would want to be with a partner with similar values and morals after all, correct?

Step 3: Self-improvement

Be the person you would want to be with. If you feel that you need to work on loving yourself more because the person you want to be with must be confident and secure, then work on your insecurities and learn to love yourself. If the person you want is someone who lives a healthy lifestyle and yet you don't take good care of your own health then it would be a good time to work on being healthy and taking care of your body more. If you want someone who has a close relationship with their family and yet you do not invest in your relationship with your family, then it would be a good chance to work on that as well. Anything that you find to be different between your ideal partner and yourself right now would be a good chance for self-improvement. Work on yourself and get to a point where you can feel so proud and happy with the person you are. When you are able to truly love yourself, you will simply appear more attractive to others and appear to be someone who would be incredible to be with. When you are able to see the value that you have within yourself, other people will see it themselves. You will attract people similar to you – similar to your own standards because that is who you are yourself. Remember that you are investing in yourself for yourself – not in order to gain someone else's approval. The point is to focus not only in thinking how you want your partner to be like but also how you can be that person yourself. When you are able to say that you like who you are as person then you are already in the step of self-love, which is a very important ingredient to have for romantic relationships. Working on yourself will not only make you a better person to yourself but also to other people and there is nothing more attractive to people than someone takes good care of themselves.

Instead of going into a relationship with an entitled notion of what we think we deserve when we ourselves cannot even live up to our own standards - go in to give value, go in delivering what you expect to receive from someone else. The question of "Would you date yourself?" is a sobering and humbling one because we can truly see where we fall short at not being the person we would want to be with ourselves. When we take the time to self-reflect and work on parts of ourselves that could use some improvements we will be more likely to add value to a relationship rather than simply taking things from our partner. This question does not only apply to people looking for partners to be with but it can also apply to those already in relationships. Whenever you are unhappy with how things are going with your partner – take a second to look to yourself first and ask how you could help improve the situation. It may not be the easiest thing to do but sometimes by self-reflecting, we are more able to take control of the situation and make things better.