Photography: Cat Klein
As taboo as the subject of men paying for sex might be, we live in a society where unfortunately some men choose to spend their money on sex. Whether we like to face the reality or not, these men exist and have their reasons on why they choose to do what they do. The reason we need to be aware of this is because our partners could very much be one of these men who have had previous experience with women being paid for sex. It is important for us to be able to be open to learning about our partner's sexual past as his past tendencies of going to these places might influence our future marriage. Having conversations with our partner about this will also lead to asking them the motivation behind why they went. And our decision whether to stay with them or not can very much depend on the reason they sought these places in the first place. Below are the top 5 reasons why men choose to pay for sex and tips on how we can handle the situation knowing what we know.
1. Peer pressure
Some men go because of their friends and the feeling of needing to go in order to 'fit in' or be accepted into the friendship group. If this is the reason why our partner went there is still room for him seeing the experience as just a part of bonding with his friends and no more than that. This could easily be avoided by being friends with other men who do not view paid sex this way.
2. Curiosity
The men that did not go out of peer pressure would go because they were curious on what the experience would be like and because they want something different and new. If our man paid for sex out of his own curiosity it would be wise to be a little bit more cautious about the future. It is good to consider how he might handle the consistency of marriage and lack of diversity in experience. This is something we need to be about with our partner before stepping into a lifelong commitment.
3. Easy access
Some men have gone because it is simply an easy and cheap process for them to experience sex with a paid woman. This reason also seems to be more popular among the single men simply looking to get some 'action'. If convenience is the case then this might also be easier to avoid, as most of these men once married tend to no longer feel the need to go out of their way to experience sex.
4. Great treatment
Some men go because they want to be able to experience sex with someone whom they can totally be in control over. If this is the case then it is important that our partners', as well as our own, sexual desires are communicated in marriage. Sometimes these men simply want to experience something they rarely get. However, if we have an open communication when it comes to sex, our partner's needs such as 'being more in control' could easily be provided.
5. For the sake of business
Last but not least, some men say that they paid for sex because they had to 'entertain' potential business partners at work. This reasoning is probably one of the most dangerous reasons to pay for sex because men often think that this is strictly for work and is a 'necessary step'. Due to the nature of their work, they often do not see this as 'personal'. If this were the case then it would be wise to reconsider our partner's moral views in life and commitment. If having sex with other women because of work is acceptable for them then they will have zero respect or understanding of what it actually means to be loyal to one person and one person only.
After knowing whether or not our partner's have had sexual experience with paid women, how we respond or what decisions we make will depend on a lot on his reasoning. Either we decide to accept the reality and not be in denial over what has happened and forgive our partner or we decide that his reasoning is simply not acceptable for us to be able to forgive and move forward with. Although everyone has their right to do what they want with their sexual life when it comes to breaking boundaries in relationships and marriages these behaviors should not acceptable.
