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One of the most nerve-wracking things to do when you are in a relationship is to learn about your partner's past before they met you. The past might entail things such as his past actions including his sexual past (if he does have any). Often times, women tend to want to avoid topics around sex altogether with the assumption that it isn't an important topic to talk about before marriage. However, it is vital to get to know each other's sexual past because the sound of his past might play again in the future depending on how they are. Whether you may want to avoid the subject of the past or not, sooner or later it tends to come out in the process of getting to know one another. People tend to let the 'ball drop' on things they were cautious about at the beginning of the relationship, once they feel a bit more comfortable. Hearing about your partner's past can at times feel a bit gut-wrenching depending on whether or not you like what you hear. However, learning about your partner's past is an important process and can really give you a better idea about the person you are about to marry.
Have Conversations about Sexual Past
For instance, if your partner had the tendencies to sleep with other women on a regular basis in the past, it is good to have conversations with him regarding how he will handle marriage later on. The same goes for if your partner has paid for sex in the past – is that something that he has put to bed or could that behavior play out again in your marriage? Whether or not your spouse has ever experienced sex before they met you – it is important for the both of you to have open conversations about this. You both have every right to know what you want to know before stepping into marriage. Some couples avoid this topic altogether and once it eventually comes up in their marriage, they end up having regrets on why they did not learn about their partner's sexual history much sooner. Knowing about the past isn't about focusing on it, but it is about knowing the person you are about to marry and knowing for certain that they are still the person you want to be with. The only person you will be letting down is yourself if you did not take the opportunity to get to know your partner's sexual past.
Ask Yourself if You can Truly Handle His Past
Once you both have been open with one another and if your partner confesses a past, which does not sit well with you, it is important to ask yourself whether or not it is something you can accept and move forward from. It is important to understand that just because your partner happens to have a past that isn't the same as yours it does not make him right or wrong – it just makes you different when it comes to sex. If there is a clear difference in yours as well as his sexual past – it just means that you have a choice in accepting that difference or in re-evaluating your relationship altogether instead. If your partner has done things sexually that you truly feel was out of line the please, do talk about it again with him and truly consider if you can move on from it or not. Allow your partner the chance to say his side of the story and explain why his sexual past will not interfere with the future you are about to build together. Some men are able to keep the past in the past while others may have a more difficult time changing his sexual behaviors once he is married. Get to know which group your partner falls into – only you will know what is best for you.
How to Move Forward Knowing What You Know
If you have decided that despite having major differences in yours and your partner's sexual past you still want to be with him, you may face some difficulties in moving on and not obsessing about his past. Let's face it; it isn't nice to hear that your partner has experienced sex with other people. You can end up feeling all sorts of emotions knowing what you know – jealousy, insecurity, worry, and a feeling betrayed. Although your partner may have gotten over his own sexual past and moved on, it is important that you give yourself some time to process his past. Be careful and try your best not to get too sucked into what he has done before. The key is to remember that he did what he did before he met you. So, although you may feel anger and disappointment at what he has done in the past, they were in no way meant to cause you any pain. Furthermore, if you are feeling jealous and insecure about all the women he had been with sexually, remind yourself that you are with him right now and you both have a future to look forward to. Understand that none the women of his past could compare to you and focus on showing him what a great sex life you both will have in your marriage.
It is never easy hearing anything about what your partner may or may not have done sexually before they met you. However, knowing what you know can give you a chance to decide whether or not you want to continue to move forward in the relationship or to completely re-evaluate everything instead. At the end of the day, learning about your partner's sexual past is going to give you the upper hand. Just remember to still keep your eyes on the future once you have decided to accept the past.
