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In a recent research, 20% of over 2,000 married couples said they are keeping a major secret in their marriage. The common secrets reported included money troubles, pornography and various forms of betrayal such as infidelity. Unexpectedly, a quarter of the couples said they kept this secret for more than 25 years – feeling that the secret is so big that they worry it would destroy their marriage. A lot of people feel that they keep certain things away from their partners out of fear that the truth will ruin the relationship or their partner will not be able to handle it. So, when it comes to marriage, is honesty really always the best policy? Let's take a look on how secrets can affect you and your relationship.
You won't feel at peace with yourself
Keeping something to yourself no matter how big or small will keep you on edge. You will always be afraid of your partner finding out and even worse, from someone else. Telling the truth is not just about being honest with your partner and appreciating the closeness you both have but it is about having peace of mind for yourself. And you can never have this with any secrets lingering around.
Intimacy becomes impossible
You cannot have true intimacy if you are not completely vulnerable with one another. Being vulnerable means you show all of yourself to your partner and vice versa. Once you start keeping things from each other intimacy will decrease and you will find yourself being in a relationship where you can no longer completely 'let go' and love your partner the same way again.
It can lead you to hiding bigger secrets
Who's to say that you will stop at the secret you're already hiding? We often underestimate the effect of one secret and think that another one won't hurt. Be aware of your tendency in piling up secrets on top of one another. Remember that no matter how 'small' you may think they are every secret will feel heavier with time. And you are the only one carrying that burden around.
It will create mistrust
We all know that without trust, no relationship can flourish. Trust isn't just about catching your partner in a truth or a lie. Trust is about believing that he or she has your best interests at heart. And when there is mistrust, it creates a lingering feeling in the back of your mind that your partner does not truly love you or may even abandon you. Love your partner enough to trust them with the truth.
It will inevitably cause pain and hurt
Most people are often more hurt by the lies covering up a mistake than the mistake itself. Don't be so afraid of hurting your partner and the relationship that you end up causing even more pain by keeping it from them in the first place. Your partner will appreciate you so much more for being honest and trusting them with the truth than you lying about it.
