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Ever heard of the saying, "If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and quacks like a duck, then it probably is a duck"? It means when we want to identify an unknown subject, all we need to do is observe that subject's habitual characteristics. So, when applying this saying to our relationships it can look something like this: If your partner is talking like a jerk, acting like a jerk, treating you as a jerk would treat his girlfriend – then he most likely is a jerk. It seems very simple right? But in reality this realization often goes unnoticed. The amount of times people in unhealthy relationships dismiss red flags and what should be seen as warning signs is a lot. The message here is that no one is ever just 'not right for you' out of the blue – they always show you who they are right from the beginning. It is our job to pay attention and take action from it.
The Types of Red Flags
Red flags does not always have to mean big things like your partner being abusive, because even abuse itself start somewhere as little as calling you names when you both are arguing or disrespecting you as a person in general. Pay attention to the little things about your partner such as; not being able talk about his feelings or even dismissing yours, having the need to control you (who you are friends with, what you wear, what you do, where you go, etc.), insecurities that are chronic (always needing you proof of your love), and having a past that he keeps away from you.
Dismissing The Red Flags
When we begin to dismiss the red flags and even worse – begin to see them as green flags instead, we are putting ourselves in very dangerous territories. It is like planting a seed of pain – knowing the more you stay in the relationship the bigger the pain will grow and the harder it will be to walk away from it. How many times have you heard people in unhealthy relationships say, "I did not see this coming…" The sad truth is that they did see it coming; they simply chose to ignore it.
Seeing Things Through Clear Eyes
What we need to understand is that a person will always show us who they are through their actions. A person cannot lie with the way they treat us and make us feel beyond words. If your partner is constantly saying, "I love you, you mean the world to me" but his actions say otherwise – pay attention. If you want to know what a person's true intentions are – close your ears and open up your eyes a little wider and really see.
Acknowledging Red Flags for The Better
It can be very painful when you are in love with someone who treats you with disrespect. However, a person will remain the way they are unless they choose to change for the betterthemselves. Remember, that our only job is to acknowledge and pay attention to certain behaviours that does not sit right with us. The rest is up to them.
