Photography: iStock Photo
Romantic movies and stories have often depicted marriage as the 'happy ending' that comes after issues are resolved within the relationship. We have been so accustomed to the idea that once we're married, all issues will just vanish and we will live happily ever after. Unfortunately, what actually happens after the groom and the bride says 'I do' is often not shown; the arguments, the friction, the tension or resentment that every married couple actually goes through. Because of this misleading perception, we have become a bit less tolerant when it comes to conflicts with our spouses. We have little to no room for being patient when overcoming arguments and perhaps, this is one reason why many marriages end in divorce.
Every single couple experiences conflicts to some degree. It is vital that we begin to shift our perception of conflict not as something that partakes in ruining our marriage but simply as a natural result of two people coming together as one. Having conflicts does not necessarily mean your marriage is on the rocks or a sign that something is wrong. It is simply the result of two different human beings trying to make a household work for both of them. No matter how similar we may think we are to our partners, you are in fact different. And with differences inevitably comes some disagreements. It is impossible to avoid this in any type of relationships especially marriage. Once we begin to view conflicts as normal to have – we no longer will feel easily disappointed.
It is not if we argue but how we argue. Some couples pride themselves in hardly ever arguing while other couples feel incredibly saddened by how often they bicker and disagree with one another. The most important thing in fact, is not to focus on how often we argue but how we are during those arguments. Do we disrespect our partner? Do we personally attack them and belittle their self-worth? Are we abusive towards them? These questions are far more important than the quantity of our conflicts. A couple could only have had one argument but if during that one argument they were disrespectful and screamed bloody murder at one another, then that does not necessarily mean they have a healthier marriage.
The aftermath of a conflict is more important than the conflict itself. If we don't want to allow conflicts to 'ruin' our marriage it is important to always come to a solution. There is no use in having arguments when in the end nothing actually gets solved. If all we do is argue and then 'make up' without having some form of closure, solution or compromise then the same issues will keep repeating itself. The point of every conflict is so that we can learn more about our partners and ourselves in order to better the relationship. If we're not making things better then we are allowing conflicts to become part of the problem. But, if we view conflicts as a tool to strengthen our marriage then we would more likely to be in a win-win situation.
Change the way we perceive what seems to look like a negative thing and use it to our advantage instead. That is what will make our marriage stronger and long-lasting.
