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As we grow, we experience what it's like to put on different hats – to take on different roles. We may have learnt what it was like to be a child, a sister, a friend, a student or a worker. With every role that we take on, we enter a new chapter. Marriage is very much like a new chapter in our lives. The life we live after marriage will certainly be different to how it was before. With marriage come new responsibilities, new priorities, and new dreams. Some of us may want children and with that comes yet another new hat that we must put on – being a mother. Whichever hats we decide to put on next, the key is in actually fulfilling those roles to the best of our ability. Taking on a role as wife should be more than just about being proposed to, having your wedding day or having someone to call your husband. The same goes for being a mother. Sure, we can have ourselves a child but that does not automatically make us a mother either. Being a wife or a mother is about being so much more than just a label. So, what does it take to be a good wife, a mother, a working mom or a stay at home mom? Below are tips and advice on some of the roles that we as women may want to take on after we open the chapter of marriage.
Owning Your Role as a Wife
So, the wedding day is over, the honeymoon vacation has ended and now you are in reality of starting your life with your husband. You may be wondering to yourself, how can I be a good wife now? How can I make sure that my husband and I are happy in this marriage? Some qualities that make someone a good partner can go both ways for the wife and the husband; however, the ones below are things that every husband will need from his wife.
1. Be his number one fan and supporter at all times. Whatever dreams or career paths our husbands want to pursue, it is important to be there for them and to give them faith. Everyone needs extra boost and if your husband knows 100% that you have his back always that would mean so much to him.
2. Appreciate and respect him. A man needs to feel like a man around his woman. And one of the ways that we can do that as wives is to appreciate our husbands for the men they already are.
3. Learn to be good at forgiving because your husband will make mistakes and, as will you. The better you are at it, the quicker it will be for you both to move forward in your marriage.
4. Choose your words wisely! If you have anything you want to say to him be sure to say it without nagging. We tend to take our husbands for granted when it comes to this, thinking well, they should be able to take it. But nagging is probably one of the biggest turn offs for men and to them being nagged at is like having to constantly hear a nail on a chalkboard playing in the background.
Owning Your Role as a Mother
The pressure to be a 'good mom' has now gone from being able to go to work, take care of the kids and at the same time keep the house clean to now having to be able to breastfeed until the kid is 10, only feeding him organic food whilst at the same time being a size 6 with hair as gorgeous as the Victoria secret models. The pressure is just unreal and seeing mothers who are actually able to fit this high of a standard makes us feel even more hopeless. The fact of the matter is, no one in this world has any right to tell you if you are doing a good job at being a mother or not. Here are some tips on how you could be the best mom you could possibly be for your little one.
1. Take good care of yourself. Just like how they instruct parents in case of emergency on the plane, to put on the life mask on themselves first before putting them on their child – you must be able to make sure you are not neglecting your needs first and foremost.
2. Silencing the outside and inner critics. Stop should'ing all over yourself. If we always compare ourselves to other mothers out there, there will be no end to it. It will not do us any good as a person, nor will it definitely do any good for our kids. And if anyone out there tries to criticize you or tell you what to do with your own child, simply smile and say, 'Thanks for the input!' and then go on about your day as usual.
3. Focus on your child! The only person who you should be trying to face up to is your child. Get to know your kid on a deeper level and really bond with them. Don't get so caught up in trying to impress other mothers, your family, your friends, strangers or the experts that you end up forgetting to stop and see how your child is actually feeling.
4. Find your own groove. What other mothers are doing is none of your business and vice versa. Doing what works for you, your children and your family to stay happy, good humored and connected is ultimately all that matters.
Owning Your Role as a Working Mother
If you have a dream of being in the corporate world or owning your own business or traveling the world and you are a man, then there will most likely be nothing stopping you from what you want. However, if you were a woman, to pursue something like that whilst you are married and/or have children, would mean you are being selfish. It is incredible the amount of guilt trip working mothers get on a regular basis, for simply pursuing what they want in life outside of home. Here are some tips on how to be a working mom and actually be a good at it.
1. Stop feeling so guilty and make the most out of your situation: Whatever your job is – make sure you are happy doing them. There is no point in staying with a career that makes you feel empty and miserable. You are already sacrificing your time and energy away from your kids, so why not make the most out of that time. Your happiness will affect your children's growth a whole lot more than you may think.
2. Don't dilute your presence with distractions. Make the most out of the time that you have when you are with your kids. Sometimes we feel that we have to spend a lot of time with them in order for them to know how much we love them. But, the truth is that what matters most to children is what you actually do when you are with them. Are you busy on your phone even when you come home? Are you stressed out? Can they actually be with you – are you even present when you are home? As soon as you are home, take off the working hat and be present for your children.
3. Keep a balance. Chase your dreams – there is nothing wrong with that, but make sure your priorities are still straight. A lot of parents end up working way too much and exhausting themselves in the hopes to provide a good life for their children. Don't lose sight of what's important in your life.
Owning Your Role as a Stay-at-Home Mother
Not only do working mothers get a lot of slack for choosing to pursue their careers, stay-at-home mothers also get judged for choosing to 'just be a mom' (as if that in itself is bad). The biggest misconception about mothers who stay home with their children is that all they do is sleep around, worry about nothing and wait for their husbands to come home. Oh, how different that is from the truth. Stay-at-home moms has a difficult job not only being a mom but being a sane mom. Here are some tips on how to keep things together.
1. Stay healthy! A good stay-at-home mom hydrates herself at all times. Get your exercise on and get yourself some fresh air if you can (you will need it once in a while).
2. Get help. You don't have to be supermom and get everything done yourself. It is okay to ask for help once in a while, no one will judge you. You will really appreciate having someone else to give you a hand or two.
3. Get some alone time even if it's just for 30 minutes a day. Go get a manicure and pedicure or go for a quick walk. Do whatever that will make you feel relaxed.
4. Don't bring resentment into it. It is easy to fall into the 'I was/am better than this' or 'I can do so much more than just being a mother at home'. Again, your happiness means the world to your child and will really influence the interaction you have with them. Nurture yourself – just because you have chosen to raise your child and be home does not make less of a woman. Make sure this decision that you have made is not only for your children but also for you.
Remember ladies; we can be good at whatever roles we decide to take on in life. It doesn't matter what we are; it only matters that we're happy with the decisions we make and being committed to it even though times are tough. People can say what they want to say about how you should be as wife or a mother. But, at the end of the day, you will never be the same wife or the same mother as everyone else because your husbands and children are different. How good we are depends on how well we cater to our husbands and to our kids – plain and simple. Everything else is just noise. Stay focused and stay happy, that's the best thing you can do.
