Photography: Thinkstock Photos
Are you currently involved with someone who demands to change you for his own idea of a better you? Read on to learn from this girl's past relationship with a fixer-upper.
"A fixer-upper is someone who tries to change the person that you are into a version they prefer you to be. They tend to have several different demands that you must follow in order to be with them. I have dated a guy who was a fixer-upper before. We were together for a year. It began from the very first few weeks of us seeing each other. He made comments about the way I dressed and how I looked physically. He would say things such as, "you should wear these kinds of jeans" and "you should not have your hair that way, it does not look nice". Being how I was back then, I wanted to please him because I liked him that much. I thought as long as I can change these things about myself then perhaps he could love me (or love me more). But boy, was I mistaken!
The changes I made for him began from the materialistic and superficial things, which then eventually progressed into more serious and deeper territories. He began disliking my personality – the way I simply was as a person. The comments I would make about random things were no longer to his liking. I had to edit what I say and act a certain way in order to please him. I did all these things I did not find to be natural for him. I took it upon myself to make a few alterations hoping that the more I become the version of myself that he preferred me to be, the more he would accept me. But as time went by, I saw less and less of happiness and more of pain. I felt so incredibly lost and I no longer knew who I was.
I didn't realize that there is a difference in being with someone who inspires me to want to be a better person and being with someone who has his own idea of the person I should be. The man I was with did not inspire me to be better; he completely wanted to change me inside and out. That was not right and I had to learn it the hard way. From this relationship I learnt that no one deserves the privilege to walk into my life and demand things from me (especially things I feel uncomfortable with) and that whoever does not accept me for who I am right from the very beginning will never be able to accept me in the end no matter how hard I try.
My advice is to know the difference between wanting to be better for the person you love and feeling the need to change in order to be loved. Love is not about changing someone to fit your criteria – it is about meeting the person who already is all that you are looking for. Do not settle for a mediocre version of love because we all deserve far better than that."
