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In a marriage, we all want to do our best and be the best for our partners in any way shape or form. We want to make sure that we make an effort into making our marriage a loving, intimate, trusting and fulfilling relationship. One of the best ways that a marriage can continue to strive is by keeping the sparks alive. We want to make sure that the passion that was there at the beginning of the relationship continues to be there throughout the marriage. But, how exactly do we keep the passion going? The key is through intimacy. True intimacy is about connection, about being vulnerable with another and loving each other through that vulnerability. One of the best ways that intimacy can be expressed is through lovemaking with your partner.
How you and your partner experience sex with one another has a lot of influence in making your marriage an exciting and fulfilling one. Sex isn't just about the physical act but it is also about being comfortable with yourself enough to be vulnerable in front of another person. However, what happens when you are not comfortable with your sexuality to begin with? For people who have yet to explore their own sexuality and have yet to feel comfortable with expressing their sexual needs, sex with their partner can sometimes feel awkward and uncomfortable. For people who also feel insecure about their bodies or sexual relationships, the bedroom can feel like a threatening war-zone. And any innocuous-seeming comment from the spouse may even result in psychological damage and devastation to the evening and to the relationship.
If we are not comfortable with sex, then that can really get in the way of intimacy with our spouse. It is important that we learn to feel comfortable with our own sexuality and in expressing them in our marriage. In order to feel comfortable, first thing's first: we need to make it our decision to be more open with our sexuality for ourselves, not for our partner or anyone else.
1. Be open about your sexuality
The moment we make it a conscious decision to be more open and confident sexually, we then need to understand what our preconceptions about having sex are. We all have been taught certain things about sex. Growing up, we've developed our own "idea" about what being sexual is all about through "messages" we've received in the past, that determines whether or not we should be open to the experience.
Ask yourself whether you have received negative attachments towards sex from the people you grew up with and how that has blocked your ability to be open and intimate with your partner sexually. Once you understand where certain ideas you have about sex stem from – you can decide to replace negative attachments with positive ones.
2. Be comfortable with yourself physically
The next few steps after that is to do things to feel more comfortable with yourself physically. In order to enjoy sex with your partner, it is firstly important to love and accept the way you look physically. Learn to love yourself with flaws and all. Take it all off - be bare and naked - and take a really good look at your body. Learn to appreciate it for what it is. The more you are able to accept yourself physically, the more you will feel comfortable and confident being vulnerable in front of your partner. Learn to feel proud of yourself and the way you look. Learn to accept the things you may not like about yourselves physically and to love them anyway. When you are comfortable with how you look, the intimacy between your partner during sex will feel a lot more enjoyable.
3. Debunk unrealistic expectations
After you have learnt to feel more comfortable with your physical appearance, the next step is to debunk any unrealistic expectations that you may have placed upon yourself as well as the experience of sex itself. Sometimes the media and the movies can depict sex in quite an unrealistic manner and if we are not aware of this, it can really damage our self-esteem. You may feel a lot of pressure to 'perform' a certain way or for the sexual experience between you and your partner to be a certain way.
You to need to understand that sex is absolutely different with every couple. There is no right or wrong way to go about it, because it isn't necessarily just about the physical but it is about the connection and the bond that you share with your partner as well. Sex should be about you enjoying yourself and getting lost in the moment with your partner. It is not a competition and no one is there judging how you do. Good sex is what feels good to you.
