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"Dear Bridestory, I've been dating this guy for almost 6 months now and things are going great. The only problem is that he has sort of been pressuring me in regards to sex. I am a virgin and I've always wanted to do it with someone whom I truly love and see a future with and right now I am just not ready to do it with him. By this point I'm even more convinced that I don't want to have sex until marriage but I just don't think he will be able to wait that long. I really like him and I still want to be with him but I feel that if I don't give in, he might leave me. Should I just do it and get it over with or should I stick to my guns? Please help!" - I'mNotReadyYet
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First of all, feeling pressured to have sex in a relationship is a very common experience to have particularly if the relationship is still fairly new. We understand how difficult it is to say "No" to something that you know will make your partner happy. However, when it comes to jeopardizing your own happiness, beliefs, self-worth and physical health out of fear of losing your partner then nothing is worth all of that. It seems quite clear just how much doubt you have in regards to giving up your virginity for your boyfriend. And when there is major doubt in the topic of sex – then the best thing to do is to not act upon it.
Having sex is not supposed to be a decision that does not require much thought. It should not be something that you should just 'get over' as you mentioned above. Sex is a huge deal and it is an act that requires a lot thought as well as preparation. Therefore, it is completely fine to really think about your feelings towards it. The worst thing about having sex when it wasn't something you truly wanted to do or was even prepared for (mentally and physically) is that it can become the biggest regret you will ever experience. Once you have experienced sex for the first time, the memories of it will always linger and when that memory has even the tiniest drop of negativity, it can really be difficult to forget.
In order to communicate to your boyfriend about not being ready for sex without offending him, the best thing to do is to communicate your personal views on sex. Try to explain to him why it is so important to you to wait until marriage before you experience sex for the first time. Explain to him that it has nothing to do with you not being as committed as he is to the relationship, but it is simply a subject you hold dear to your heart and it is a decision you feel is right for you. If in any way, shape or form your boyfriend continues to pressure you and does not seem to be able to respect your decision, then please regard this as a major red flag that needs to be taken into consideration ASAP. If he claims to love you then he should be able to understand and respect your views even though he may not agree with you. Once again, sex is a big deal and something you do not want to go in full of doubts and reservations. The person you deserve to experience sex with is someone who makes you feel comfortable, who you are in love with, who you feel secure with and someone who does not in any way pressures you into doing anything you don't want to do.
