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"Dear Bridestory, I am in a very uncomfortable and strange situation at the moment with my fiancé. We were talking about our past sexual experiences and as we were sharing stories, he made a confession about how great his sex was with his previous girlfriend before me. It felt sort of awkward at first hearing that but we were on the topic of sex and I was kind of probing and wanting to know anyway. The problem is that now I feel extremely insecure and worried that I won't be 'as good'. I have zero experience when it comes to sex (as I am waiting for marriage). How do I move past my worry and insecurity with this? Will I know if I'll be as good or even better than his ex girlfriend was?" - InsecureGirl
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Dear InsecureGirl,
First of all, yikes! It is never nice hearing about your partner's past relationships let alone hearing about the details of his sexual past. We absolutely understand why you are a bit shocked and feel uncomfortable having been told that bit of information. The good thing is though, it didn't sound like your fiancé was sharing what he shared with the intention of wanting to create problems or make you worry. Instead, it sounded more like it was just a sincere comment, which just so happened to come out during a sharing session you both were having. So, although what he said was a bit T.M.I. and perhaps even unnecessary, at the very least he did not mean it in a malicious way. That is still something positive, which you can take from this awkward incident.
Secondly, the act of sex is an extremely personal and subjective experience that to try and predict whether someone will be 'good at it' or not is close to impossible. Just because your partner happened to have had a great experience with his ex does not mean he will not experience something as good or even better with you. Again, we absolutely understand why you are feeling worried about your own experience with it later on because you feel that your lack of experience will mean that sex will not be as great. But, what you must understand is that sex does not in any way, shape or form rely on a person's experience with it. Instead, it relies on the connection someone shares with the person they are experiencing it with. When it comes to the connection alone, it is clear that you are already 10 steps ahead of where his ex was, considering they broke up and your partner is about to spend the rest of his life with you.
Lastly, even if you are worried about your lack of 'skills' in bed – this is something that can easily be dealt with right now to help you enjoy the experience as best as possible. The act of sex - if you want it to be great, must first and foremost start with you feeling comfortable with your own body and sexuality. If you feel awkward about being physical with your partner or expressing your sexuality in any way, that will hinder the likelihood of you enjoying sex with your partner more than your 'lack of experience' will. Therefore, your homework if anything would be to learn to be more comfortable in your skin and embrace your own sexuality as a woman. Once you have 'mastered' this – the rest would be up to the sexual connection between you and your partner. And that is something that cannot be known until you both actually experience making love for the first time.
Do not worry too much about your partner's past. Have some confidence in yourself and the fact that your sex life together will be a wonderful one simply because it will be. His sexual past might have been good but they won't compare to how his experience will be with you. So, be confident and show him what you got!
