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Dear Heart-to-Heart,
I have a question on relationships. I'm a 22-year-old woman and I've never been in a relationship. I don't know what's wrong with me. I think I've changed a lot — my appearance, how I talk and how I walk. But I think there's something wrong, because no man is attracted to me, No man has ever sent me messages or did anything that make me feel that he likes me or want to know more about me. What should I do? I always find myself crying when I think about it. My sister just asked me why I've never been in a relationship, but I can't answer that. What should I do?" - readyforarelationship
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Dear readyforarelationship,
Thank you for your question and for being brave enough to be open about how you're feeling. It must be difficult to not know what else to do when you feel you have done all that you can think of to make things better for yourself. You have put in a lot of effort to change certain things about yourself, however, as you explained – nothing seems to be working so far.
It is perfectly normal to feel some form of pressure from yourself and/other people, but be careful not to forget what being single versus being in a relationship mean. Being single does not have to equal to no one wanting you. Being single can just mean that you have yet to find a person that you feel you could give your love to. Ask yourself the question of what being in a relationship even mean to you right now? Is it a chance to share your life with someone you love and care about or is it so that there is some kind of validation that you are worthy of a person's love? Because your reasoning and motivation behind it will really tell you whether or not you are even ready to be in a relationship.
Furthermore, you mentioned how you have made a lot of changes in terms of how you look, how you walk and how you talk. Although it is always good to work on ourselves and to constantly be better, be careful not to focus too much on the superficial part of it all. Changes must come from within; it is how we love ourselves on the inside that will radiate the beauty on the outside.
We could change everything about ourselves that is visible to the human eyes but at the end of the day, beauty is really about how we feel about ourselves, because, honestly, someone will like you for the way you walk, the way you talk, the way you dress and everything else that is the genuine you. So, don't you think it would be a big shame if you were to hide your true self as someone else might really appreciate you just as you are?
Last but not least, remember that you come first. Love yourself enough to be alone and feel content about it. Let us tell you a little secret: When you begin to love yourself first and foremost, you will inevitably invite romantic love into your life. Every great relationship begins with self-love. So, your job right now is to spoil yourself with love, and before you know it, you will meet someone who is lucky enough to be with you.
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