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When it comes to trying to find your ideal man, there is a major difference between having high standards and simply being way too picky. However, these two things can be quite confusing and difficult to distinguish because how would you know to stick to your standards or to lower them in order to be more realistic?
At the end of the day, all you want is to be with someone you truly want to be with and not have to settle in any way. Having standards are very crucial to have because it helps you to know the things you are willing to settle for and the things you are definitely not going to budge. How we look at it is this – when it comes to the morals, values, beliefs, lifestyle, relationship and life goals, financial independence, intellectual compatibility, honesty, personality and chemistry – these are the things no one should ever compromise. These are your core needs and standards. Other things outside of these are your 'preferences' or your 'wants', which you should be flexible about. Let us break it down to you a little bit more in order to help you see if you are the picky type or you just have a high standard.
1. You are already opposed to the idea of meeting him before anything
You know how sometimes you are told about a guy your friend/family member knows, which they think you might like and then before you even talk to the guy you already say, "No, thanks, he doesn't have the right job" or "He doesn't go to the same University as I do". If you do this then you do not have a high standard – you are just way too picky! Another example is when you have chatted with the guy on the phone or some type of social media platform, but you get the impression that there is no chemistry so you block the chance of even meeting him in person. This is also being way too picky, because not everyone is how they are when they are on the phone or on a chat room. It is critical to meet a person face to face, to be able to tell if there is anything there and to allow for the sparks to emerge. Being opposed to even meeting a guy in person first is killing any chance of ever finding a person you might like! Give a guy a chance before you break it off too quickly – you might end up being pleasantly surprised how different he is in person.
2. Once you start dating him for a bit, you find yourself getting turned off by the smallest things
The next step of being picky is when you do give a guy a chance to date you and then just at the beginning of dating and getting to know one another – you find yourself not liking how he chews his food, how he drinks a lot of fizzy drinks or how he wears converse instead of loafers. It is one thing to have your list of deal breakers however, deal breakers in the real world cannot work if they depend on what clothing he wears or the little mannerisms that he has, which slightly annoys you. Even the most perfect person will have something you do not like and that is okay! You are not supposed to adore every single trait that your partner has – that does not exist in reality. So, before you stop the chance of anything real to happen between you and the next person you date – give it some time and relax a little more. Give room for little 'flaws' to come out – they are what makes all of us human after all.
3. The standards you have for him – you don't even meet them yourself
This one can be a little bit harsh but that's only because it's the truth. When you have your list of high standards – don't forget to take a good look at them and ask yourself if you meet all of those things. Sometimes you may wonder why it is so difficult to meet someone who is handsome like a model, successful, kind, humble, popular, romantic, loyal, smart and generous – but the truth is that would someone with all those qualities and traits be with someone like you? Again, ouch! But this is something that all of us must do before claiming to want a guy with all those awesome qualities (sometimes out of this world qualities). You must firstly BE those standards yourself and live yourself true to them. Only then will you be able to naturally attract men of those 'species'. There is nothing wrong with being specific with what you want in a partner because hey, you can get the man of your dreams. But, again, make sure you mirror the kind of person you want to be with because if you are still so far from your own standards it would be a good time to work on yourself.
4. This guy has to have every single thing on your list of standards, otherwise bye!
When the guy you are dating has 8 out of 10 of your lists of standards and he still isn't good enough for you then yes, you are picky. If you are looking for a man to fulfill every single expectation that you have from a potential partner based on a list you have made, then you will live your life full of disappointments. The fact of the matter is we cannot base falling for someone on whether or not he ticks all of our 'boxes'. No one in this world can be everything that you want them to be and that does not even have to be a bad thing. When this person you are with already fulfills most of your needs (the core ones) then you are already very lucky. You may have fallen for the 8 out of 10 things he has, but over time, he may give you 20 or even 30 more great things that you didn't even know he had. Once again, relax a little bit more and give your relationship some time to grow. You will regret not really giving it a go otherwise.
If none of these things resonate with you then you are not too picky – you just have a high standard and should not have to settle for less. Simply make sure that you yourself are living those standards and you will find your dream man. Good luck!
