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When it comes to being attracted to more than one person at a time, it seems that almost everyone knows what that feels like. You are a human being after all and being physically attracted to multiple people at once is very normal. However, what happens when you are experiencing a little bit more than just an attraction towards multiple people? In fact, what if you notice you are starting to develop feelings for two people at the same time? A love triangle between three people is not an uncommon thing after all. Movies and love stories have represented the love triangle dilemma many, many times. For example the love that Bella had for both Edward and Jacob in Twilight, the love that Allie had for both Noah and Lon in The Notebook and last but not least the love that Carrie had for both Mr. Big and Aidan. Everyone loves a good love triangle story but when it comes to you going through one yourself, it can really feel confusing.
The quick answer to the question of can you love two people at once? Is yes, you can. If love in this instance means that you care, yes you can love your family, your friends, your pets and the people you look up to. However, the question we are addressing in this article today is 'can you be in love with two people at once'? And the answer to that question is a little bit more complicated because love – romantic love is a lot more complex than that. If you are feeling like you are torn between two people, here are some things to take into consideration:
1. Is it truly love you are feeling?
Love is the one feeling in this world that people can often mistake for something else. You can very much feel like you are in love, however, when time passes by you may end up realizing that the feelings you had were in actual fact based on infatuation and/or lust and not at all to do with love. Before you go any further it is important to ask yourself the question - are you truly in love? And to know the answer to that, you must understand what being in love actually means. Romantic love does not happen overnight no matter how many movies or love stories say otherwise. Love cannot exist in a matter of a glance – at least not real love. It takes time for love to really come to surface. You may have really strong feelings for someone or care about them deeply, however, to be in love with someone means to have gone through tough times with them and to have seen them through the good and the bad (and vice versa). Love is feeling things beyond chemistry, passion, lust, impulse – love is consistent, present, loyal and unselfish. Ask yourself is what you are feeling really love or is it very strong infatuation? Because those are two very different things.
2. Are you looking for someone else to fill a void?
People who fall for others are usually feeling a void in their current relationship. Ask yourself the question of what needs are not being met right now in your relationship? And have you been trying to look at meeting those needs elsewhere? It may seem obvious but it is important to really understand and learn to accept that no one person is every going to be 100% perfect or right for you. You may meet someone you feel is a great match for you but even he will not be able to have and do everything that you wish he would (and vice versa). The minute you focus on the fact that your partner isn't fulfilling all of your needs is the moment you make a leeway for you to fill that void from somewhere else or more like from someone else. You must first, communicate to your partner what you feel might be missing in the relationship – this is your duty; not theirs. If you have communicated your needs and the urgency for your partner to help fulfill them it is then their duty to let you know if you could do anything to make them happier in return. Something will always be lacking in any romantic relationships, and focusing on that alone would mean you will never be able to stay loyal to just one person because one person will never feel enough.
3. To love or not to love – what should you do?
You may not be able to control who you are attracted to and who you develop feelings for. However, the 'love' that you feel right now started with a feeling and somewhere along the line it turned into a decision. You must remember that feelings do not come out of nowhere, certainly not one that you deem to be 'love'. You have made one decision after another to continue to invest in your feelings (even though you may feel it is wrong to do so), which have led you up to this point of the dilemma. The good thing is that because your feelings were based on a decision to explore it further, you can do the exact opposite, which is to stop your feelings from creating any damage. When you want to choose love – true love, then you would decide to choose to be with the person you are supposed to be with and not act upon your feelings for someone else. When you want to choose love, then you would go out of your way to make sure you protect your current partner and not do anything to betray the person you are committed to. That is the definition of love. You cannot claim to love your partner if you do not protect their feelings, have their back and assure that the trust is never broken. Any less than that, it is not love you are feeling, but a mediocre version of it.
So, can you truly, really, madly, deeply be in love with two people at the same time? No, you cannot. Because to love one person or anyone means to go through thick and thin with them, embrace what they can and cannot give, and to always have their back (at all times). And for that to be given to someone else as well would defeat the purpose of loving your partner in the first place.
