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You prefer having a night out while your partner prefers having a night in. You prefer talking things out immediately when there is a disagreement while your partner prefers to be left alone with his thoughts. These are examples of when your differing personalities come to play a role in the relationship. The question is whether or not these differences make or break your relationship. What we have found is that differences, in general, do not indicate whether or not a relationship can last. What matters the most is what you both do with those differences – whether you work through them and find a middle ground or decide that those differences are just too much to handle.
Appreciate each other's differences – it's not a competition!
The first thing that we need to understand and learn to accept is that not one particular personality or one particular way of doing things is better than the other. Just because you may find value in being organized while your partner finds value in being flexible does not make either of you better than the other. What is useful is in being able to see the strengths in each other's differing personalities. Instead of focusing on how your partner sets you back on doing certain things, focus on how their traits, in fact, compliments yours. Start with appreciation before you go on to doing anything else.
Understand your own needs
To understand why you and your partner have difficulties in communicating, you firstly need to understand your own personality and identify your interpersonal tendencies. Sometimes we don't even realize what we need that we end up trying to find the answers from our partners. You may not even realize just how much having space/alone time is important to you and without this awareness communicating with your partner will become twice as hard. If you are not aware of your own needs, then how can your partner cater to you in the way you need him to? Get to know your own specific tendencies and preferences first before asking your partner to understand you.
Communicate each other's needs clearly
Once you understand what it is that you need when it comes to certain things you must then communicate those needs to your partner in a very clear and direct manner. When there are obvious differences in personalities the key to a great communication is clarity – none of that going around the subject stuff. If being punctual means a lot to you then communicate this need exactly how it is and he should have the chance to do the same with his. As much as you want him to understand where you're coming from, you must do the same favor for him. For a relationship to work, understanding each other must be a two-way street.
