Romantic movies tend to depict being in a relationship or entering marriage as the absolute best ending to a couple's love story. We watch as two people meet for the first time, get to know one another, fall in love, experience a bit of a hiccups (also known as the plot twist) and then overcome it to finally be together. The credit rolls as soon as the prince and his princess enter the pastel colored kingdom on a white horse. That is about as far as we get to see – as far as we learn about what 'love' looks like. Unfortunately, what they often do not show is the real deal of a relationship – what actually happens after the couple is in a relationship or gets married is what gets ignored because it's not as flowery as the 'falling in love' stage.
We have been made to believe that marriage is the happily ever after to our love story – the arrival to heaven where there are no problems, no sadness and no pain. This is such a misleading message for us because marriage is absolutely not flowery or magical. Marriage is the real deal, where love is a verb and not a noun. So many of us enter marriage thinking that all of our relationship problems will go away when in reality they will remain there until we work on them. Marriage is work – it takes conscious effort on both sides to make it a success. Marriage should most definitely not be the end goal – it should be seen as a journey that we should all be preparing our relationships and ourselves for. The more prepared we are for marriage the better our relationship will be.
Here are some of the major things we should be prepared for as we will get to experience these during marriage:
1. True intimacy. We get to experience intimacy on a whole other level once we are married. In marriage, intimacy not only includes the physical for instance making love with our partner. But, it also includes opening up completely to one another and being vulnerable. In marriage, it is vital to invest in the physical as well as emotional aspects of intimacy. Without this, it is easy for a married couple to turn the romance they once shared into simply being each other's roommates. Challenges with intimacy will occur in marriage more so than in the dating phase due to nature of living together. Intimacy cannot continue to exist without our constant willingness to be emotionally transparent as well as physically adventurous.
2. Commitment at it's finest. Being in a relationship with someone there is always the luxury of being able to walk away whenever we please, whether that be when things get tough or when we have fallen out of love. This is a very different mindset as well as situation with what marriage has to offer. In marriage there is no room for 'another option' or walking away when things get hard. No marriage can survive the test of time if whenever we get bored, are tempted or have lost the spark we choose to walk away. This is why we get to really practice our commitment towards our partner during marriage. It is is where our commitment is truly tested. We know nothing about commitment if we do not continue to choose our partner over and over again during every single instance of temptation, bumps in the road and/or arguments. Marriage has no room for the weak – it is only for those who has the commitment to overcome the worst that it has to offer.
3. True partnership. Marriage requires two people to be very good at working together and at being partners. Almost every decisions we make once we are married will require our partner's opinions and inputs before we can make the final call. As soon as we neglect to treat our partners as equals, it often causes our marriage to feel out of balance. We tend to feel unappreciated and disrespected whenever there is a lack of joint decision-making process. Where to live, how the house will be decorated, who will be responsible for the household chores, how will the bills be paid, etc. These are only some of the things our partners and us will have to discuss together and come to an agreed decision. Marriage has no room for two people who cannot work together, respect one another, hear each out and come to an agreement. Only with teamwork can a marriage survive the day-to-day challenges of married life.
4. A life long adventure. As much as marriage is hard work – it can also be a hell of a fun ride. Marriage is a never ending journey with the person we love most, our best friend and lover all at the same time. Go travel together, try new things together, go out of our comfort zones together because these are the things that will spark up our marriage and keep things feeling alive. Think about all the adventures we will get to endure together with our partner, the memories we will make, the inside jokes we will have and the hundreds of pictures and videos we will get to keep. Marriage is not the end, it is only the beginning of complete freedom to paint our lives the way we want to paint it.
5. True friendship. In the dating phase it is easy to still feel giddy, excited and with butterflies in our stomach because of how physically cute they still are. But, when we grow old with our partners in marriage – the physical aspect of the relationship will eventually deteriorate and what would be left is the friendship we have with them. It is important that we have a friendship with our romantic partner from the very beginning, prior to marriage. Because after all the lust, passion and new romance feeling decreases, friendship is what will keep us together. We must like the person we are marrying and we must enjoy their company regardless if they were our husbands or not. Only then will we be able to grow old together and still be able to enjoy each other's company.
There is so much to look forward to in marriage that we cannot ever get to experience during the dating phase. This is why marriage is most definitely not the end goal – instead, it is only the beginning of our relationship with our partner.
