When it comes to marriage, we try our best to avoid the things that might damage our relationship - big things, such as infidelity, lying, and inflicting pain on our partners. However, what we often don't know is that the smaller things usually destroys the relationship faster. We asked Tessa Sawitri MA, a mental health therapist, about the silent killers in a marriage. Here she shares five "small" things married couples do that can damage their relationship in the long run and tells us how to best avoid them.
"Every one of us who are in a serious and committed relationship want to make our relationships great. Anytime there are conflicts or challenges within our relationship we do what they can, with what we know to overcome them. We try our very best to avoid anything that might damage the relationship such as infidelity, being dishonest, and causing any amount of pain towards our partner. Although we would try our best to assure that both our partners and ourselves are happy, there are certain behaviors or rather, habits that we tend to underestimate the damage they would cause our relationship. These things are considered as the silent killers in a marriage. Things that only seemed minute until they pile up and become a monster of an issue if they are not handled well. I would like to share the 5 silent killers in a romantic relationship that a lot of couples tend to do whether intentionally or not. When these 5 behaviors are done in a consistent manner they can become very deadly to even the healthiest of relationships. I have found time and time again that married couples who manage to break these 5 patterns of behavior have a much more loving and sustaining relationship compared to those who don't. So, here we go, let us discuss the small yet dangerous things married couples often do wrong and how we can best avoid them."
Photography: iStock Photos
Brushing Things Under the Carpet
When it comes to helping our marriage to survive over time, I am sure you have all heard the saying, “choose your battles”. This saying is supposed to help us learn when we should be picking a fight and when we should not, as well as what topics we should even be arguing about. To choose our battles mean that we save our energy for potentially real difficulties that will inevitably come with marriage such as finance, children, household responsibilities and much more. However, what I have found is that couples often mistake this saying with “I will keep my feelings to myself instead of letting my partner know how I feel” – often for fear of getting into an argument or making a big deal out of nothing. It is important not to confuse ‘choose your battles’ with ‘brush this under the carpet’. Knowing when and what to argue about is not the same as keeping our feelings to ourselves especially when it is to do with our partner and/or the relationship. We think that by brushing things under the carpet, we are saving our relationship from stress. When in actual fact doing that is what’s going to make things worst in the long run because when you brush things under the carpet – they are still there, only not visible to the eyes. If you have certain feelings or thoughts that you would like your partner to know, let them be known. It is your duty to let your partner in on your thoughts and feelings – how he reacts to them is his responsibility. Do your part and let him do his.
Photography: iStock Photos
Photography: iStock Photos
Photography: iStock Photos
Photography: iStock Photos
"Be aware of these 5 silent killers in a marriage because these are the very things that we often underestimate. Just because they do not seem too big of a deal or do not immediately cause damage does not mean they won't later on. Avoid these 'small' behaviours and we will be in a much more sustainable marriage," said Tessa.
