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When you get into a new relationship, it's very common that your whole world can end up revolving around your new boyfriend. You used to spend your time with your friends, and the suddenly, you don't anymore. Even when you can be annoyed when your friends flake out on you when they get into a new relationship, it's a common mistake that you might be guilty of making yourself.
New loves can take all of your attention and energy, however, shutting your friends out when you are in a relationship is like putting yourself in isolation. When you are isolated all of our other foundations including our friendships get neglected.
In the thick of the romance fog you are often in, it can be difficult to see the negative side of not having your friends around. You may think, "who needs friends when I've got a boyfriend?" Well, think again because if you only have your boyfriend as your everything, this will often lead to a lot of problems for you that will only increase over time.
Here is why you still need to keep your friends around even though you are in a relationship:
1. Your boyfriend might leave.
Ouch! This might not be something you want to hear or even want to think about especially if your whole world revolves around him. However, the reality is that there is no guarantee on what the future may bring. As much as things are wonderful right now, we will never know what can happen later on. When we neglect our friends, we are also neglecting our support system. Who will you go to if/when things do fall apart with your relationship? Your friends are probably not going to want to hang around waiting for you to come around when you have already abandoned them.
2. You will have troubles in the relationship.
No relationship is ever-smooth sailing – there will always be ups and downs no matter how compatible you are. When you or your partner are going through a rough patch who will you turn to when you need someone to speak about your feelings with? We often think that our partners can handle every problem we have – however, we must remember that they too are in the relationship and cannot always cater to our needs without room for theirs. With no friends around to speak to, this is when you will really feel isolated and alone. It is easy to feel like you don't really need them as much when things are flowery and great, but when things are sour, you would wish you had kept all your friends around.
3. It is important to have an outsider's opinion on your boyfriend.
When you neglect your friends, be careful, because you might not be able to evaluate your boyfriend enough to find reasons to marry him. As much as your opinion and your feelings matters, it would not be wise to shut down your friends' opinions and thoughts regarding the man you want to marry. Your friends most likely have seen you through the bad and through the good. They will most likely have pretty good ideas on the kind of man that would be good for you, who can make you happy, who can bring out the best in you and who can appreciate you for the person that you are. Shutting down your friends would be like shutting down the people who would in fact have very good inputs on whether or not someone can be good for your future. Sure, you see a future with your boyfriend and spending 'forever' with him sounds amazing, however you must remember that this person just came into your life not so long ago, while your friends have been there long before he arrived into your life.
4. Your boyfriend and your friends should be able to exist in your life together.
Be careful when you start seeing that your partner feels happy with you choosing to spend time with them instead of your friends. Be careful when you are with someone who feels comfortable knowing your circle of friends no longer exists. You should be with someone who encourages you to maintain your friendships, not someone who discourages it. When you truly love and care for someone, you would want them to be happy and have a life of their own. Being in a relationship should not be a reason you don't see your friends that often, it should instead be a reason why you end up spending just as much time with your friends as before. When you find someone who truly loves you, you will find yourself not only becoming a better person but also a better friend.
It is easy to get wrapped up in the roller-coaster of romance when it first hits you. Spending every waking hour with your boyfriend sounds like the best thing you could do and though there is nothing wrong with that, it is definitely never a lose-lose situation when you invest as much into friendships as you do with your relationship. When you are able to balance having a boyfriend and having friends in your life, you are only making room for more people to make your life wonderful.
