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As a newlywed couple one of the many things you and your partner will need to think about is where you both will live once you are married. For some couples, being able to have a place of their own would be the ideal living situation. However, for other couples, the option of getting their own place may not be so easy or even possible due to many different reasons. They often then resort to living with their parents or with their in-laws. If you are thinking of living with your in-laws after marriage, you may assume that things will be easy breezy especially if you get along with them very well. However, it is important to consider that although your in-laws may be great people, living with them may not be such a good idea after all.
Here are things you should really consider before deciding to move in with your in-laws:
1. You will have less or no privacy at all.
As newlyweds, you would want to have complete privacy to make as many mistakes as possible within the marriage in order to learn from them and move forward with your spouse. Living with the in-laws will eliminate that privacy. Sure, you can have discussions or even arguments inside the bedroom but then even that does not guarantee total privacy. Think about having limitations in how you want to be in your marriage. The same goes with intimacy. The point of being a newlywed couple is to be able to learn about one another's physical and emotional needs. If you cannot even have complete privacy for intimacy with your spouse then that barely leaves room for marital growth.
2. You will always be the kids of the house.
Have you ever heard of the phrase that parents will always be parents no matter how old their kids are? It does not matter how old you are, how mature or responsible you and your partner try to be in front of your in-laws, they will always look at you as the children of the house. Parents cannot help but to parent all the time – it is simply in their nature. This means that you may not be able to make decisions as an adult as freely as you wish with them being around you. There will always be an underlying parent-child interaction in the house and if you are not okay with this then living with your in-laws may not be the best decision for you.
3. They will see you for you.
When you live with someone, it is hard to hide your true self after some time have passed. Meaning, if you tend to be quite lazy with cleaning up after yourself or you tend to hate cooking and resort to eating out instead, then your parent in-laws are going to see this eventually. You will no longer be able to 'fake it' and be the daughter in-law that appears to have it all together. If you are lucky, your parent in-laws especially your mother in-law may not be bothered by your lack of 'wifely duties' but if she were to have a problem with it, then that would not be a pretty conflict to have.
4. There will be a lack of freedom.
The beauty of living in your own place is to feel the complete freedom to do whatever you want, however you want and whenever you want. This means that you can have the freedom to decorate the place however you wish, do whatever you wish to do in your spare time and pretty much only think about your partner aside from yourself. When you live with your in-laws however, none of these things will be possible. No matter how relaxed you may feel around them – you can never truly let go and be your complete self. You will never be able to just walk home and do whatever you want to do – you will always have to take your parent in-laws' presence into consideration. It is hard enough to have to learn to live with your spouse as a newlywed, but then having to add your mother and father in-law into the equation will just feel way too much.
5. You will have little room to grow up.
Because parents will never be able to stop parenting, living under their roof will also put you in a place where you feel always taken care of by them. Having this constant 'safety net' will not push you or motivate you to grow as an individual and as a couple. You will be more vulnerable to being complacent because you know they will always be there to pick up the pieces. You may think it's fun and great to have your in-laws picking up after your things, taking care of the necessary bills, but after a while all you will have is zero experience in being able to take care of yourself as well as your partner. If growth is what you want, then living with the in-laws will surely inhibit that from happening.
6. They will be more likely to meddle in your marriage.
As you learn to live with your partner and be a married couple, you cannot help but to make mistakes and have friction within the marriage. It is completely normal to have arguments in the beginning because you are still learning to adjust to each other. However, when you live with the in-laws, expect them to be somewhat involved in your marital conflicts. It is close to impossible for them to always stay out of your arguments because you live with them. They will know when you and your spouse are having issues and they will not be able to stop themselves from wanting to help in one way or another. If you don't want anyone especially your in-laws to meddle, then don't live with them. This will really eliminate their involvement in your marriage.
