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We think its only fair that our better half finds out everything or most things about us eventually, but it doesn't have to happen all in one date, of course. Certain things might need time and trust to build up before you can tell your partner. To further simplify our observations, we have come up with a few scenarios and situations.
Don't share if it does not affect the relationship now or the future
Trivial things, such as past habits of drinking and smoking might be an important fact your partner deserve to know at some point, however, because it doesn't change the course of your relationship or have a significant impact, you can wait to share it. On the other hand, slightly more serious things, such as a divorce or an abortion or even calling off a wedding might impact the relationship more and thus must be shared earlier in the relationship.
Do filter information when sharing
Be open with you partner, but filter the information and facts through to make sure that you're not just gossiping. Be clear when explaining the story to your partner. Avoid cases of "he said, she said" as irrelevant people and information will complicate matters. Just state the facts of what happened, the solution, and aftermath or how you got passed it.
Don't share if it will create tension with your partner's family
If you think that certain information cause your partner's family to think wrongly of you or yours, it's most probably better not to share it early on, especially if it's not a big deal or it doesn't immediately concern them. For example, if your dad isn't really crazy about your partner's relative, you don't have to go out of your way to share this with your partner and create a mountain out of a molehill.
Do share if you trust that you won't be judged
When you trust your partner and you feel comfortable enough knowing that you won't be judged, you can almost share anything with them. Secrets won't stay in the closet between two people who trust one another. As long as you know how to say it, when to say, and are considerate of the other person's feeling when you are sharing certain information, you can most certainly share just about anything. If your partner shares certain explicit details that were important or difficult, please show your support and be considerate by being a good listener.
In a relationship, ultimately, it is important that there are no secrets between the two of you. You need to share everything, but you don't have to share everything all at once. Different points of your life experiences will offer you plenty of time to share certain things that might have happened in your life with your partner. Things that were difficult might be easier for you to share with your other half as you guys go through this journey together, which will build on the trust and understanding for each other better.
