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One of the hardest things about being in a serious relationship is having to go through the inevitable ups and downs. And sometimes if you're lucky enough, in times of trouble your friends and family are there for you to listen to all your relationship woes. Venting all your frustrations to them can feel so good when you just need someone to listen. However, there can be a few problems that come with divulging every single one of your relationship issues to your friends and family. What may seem like harmless venting sessions to you may in fact be quite harmful to the relationship you have with your partner as well as the relationship your partner has with your friends and family. It is safe to say that when it comes to your romantic relationship, it would be wise to keep most of the ins and outs of it between your partner and yourself only. The more you don't keep certain things private anymore, the more you are weaving a web of problems sometimes taking a very long time to detangle. Here are 6 core reasons why you should probably keep most of your relationship or marital problems to yourself and not share them with your friends and family.
1. You will not get an objective point of view
Let's face it, your friends and family love you and want you to be treated like a queen. They will have your back almost under any circumstances. This means they are going to be on your side and will always be on your side no matter what. Going to them hoping to get some sound and objective advice on your relationship will most likely get you nowhere. It will be utterly difficult for them to see things from both you and your partner's side when all they hear are your concerns only. Even if they get to hear the other side of the story, they will most likely give advice that is a lot more subjective.
2. You are making enemies for your partner
Once again, your friends and family have got your back to the end. This means that if they hear you on a regular basis talking and complaining about how mean or ignorant or lazy or annoying your partner is, they will most likely have their guards up and become protective over you. Seeing you upset or hurt in any kind of way is never a good sight to see for them. And knowing who caused you that pain will make them want to cause the same pain to that person. This is not a good look for your partner. You may just be needing a venting session to let out all your frustrations but be careful the image you are portraying of your partner to your friends and family. Negative behaviors is not a good look for anyone to have, especially for the person you want a future with.
3. Your partner will really dislike the fact that you talk badly about them
As we mentioned before, looking bad in front of anyone's eyes especially the ones who are important and play an influence in your life is not a good place to be in. Imagine yourself in your partner's position. Sure, you may have been frustrated and needed to talk to someone, but to go a step further and let them know everything about your partner's flaws will make him feel betrayed and hurt. You wouldn't want anyone going around and being so open about the things you may have done wrong, right? Well, isn't it much worse if that person is supposed to be the one who you trust most and who is supposed to love you? Everyone makes mistakes and are imperfect, but it does not mean anyone deserves to have their 'stuff' known to people who they did not even grant permission to know.
4. When you and your partner have made up, your friends and family still need time to get over it
This is the thing about being the one in the actual relationship and being the one outside of it. You and your partner know best about the relationship – better than anyone else. Because of this, even though you and your partner may have already moved on from the 'fight' or the issues you both had – it does not mean your friends and family can do the same (just yet or ever). They don't know the relationship like you know it, all they know of it and of your partner is from the stories you tell them. And if all they hear or most of what they hear are complaints then obviously they will be more skeptical.
5. It does not solve anything. Once again, you and your partner know best about the relationship
Which means that the solutions to any issues you both may encounter only the two of you know best how to find it. Going to your friends and family (subjective point of view as mentioned) will often not give you any feasible solution to the problem. You often may just end up going around and around in circles because the person you are in a relationship with is not included in the conversation. If you have problems with your partner, you need to talk about how you feel to him first, instead of talking about it with your friends or family. Finding the solution should not be from anybody else but each other.
If you want to get all your frustrations out because you feel only speaking to your partner is not enough, then make sure you pick a person that can actually give you an objective point of a view. Choose to speak to someone who will not be affected by the issues you are talking about but who can still give you great advice. It is important to be picky with the people you choose to divulge personal information to, especially if it has to do with your partner. Do your partner a huge favor by respecting his boundaries even when he isn't around. You would expect him to do the same after all, right?
