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Have there been moments in your relationship when your partner happens to stumble across a certain photograph, a piece of jewellery or any form of artifact that might give her a little clue about your past and it triggers a little curiosity on your history? (By a little, we mean a lot, obviously.)
Did your partner happen to bump into one of your friends who might have let out a little secret of yours or an old Facebook picture or post which might have triggered a little unhappiness for your partner due to your past habits or lifestyle when everything was about being young, wild and free?
Most people will have encountered an occasion like this, at least once, during the dating stages. Some have even experienced this in their marriages. However, the way guys and girls handle this could be very different in logic and reasoning. So, for the sake of simplicity, let's take a look at this from a guy's perspective today.
Sometimes knowing too much about a person might do us more harm than good, simply because of the logical reasoning that human beings judge. That is just what we do. We may choose to deny this however much we want, but when it comes to judging, we're way ahead than any other species.
Let's imagine this scenario. The moment a guy talks about his wild past to his partner, where he once had a one-night stand with the local equivalent of Beyoncé in the chicest and poshest club in the city where he possibly had the best sex of his life ever, he might immediately be judged as a "player" who just "sleeps around" casually with women, all for the fun of it. This would, in turn, have very high chances of her having a very different perspective of him and in the future, any cases where there might be a chance of infidelity involved, she would in turn use this part of his past to reaffirm her thought of him as being a player.
To men, this does not mean that he hides things about himself. It's more of a case of "I don't think you need to know about etc, etc…. ," just because it does not impact us now or in the future, but it will only complicate things further. We also understand that from a women's point of view, it might seem like he is hiding things from her. Men are essentially simpler in nature, if it is bound to make things more complicated, they tend to avoid it altogether.
So, what do we say about this? In this case, we think that it is ok for men to choose to not share certain things in his past if he believes that it does not impact the relationship now or in the future. Topics that may fall in this category would be, an old habits that have worn off (ex: you used to bite your nails but not anymore), an old preference (ex: you preferred glasses to contacts, or orange juice to apple), an old hair or fashion style (ex: N'Sync's wavy bangs and baggy pants) and other superficial information. Topics other than that should be laid out openly on the table, especially sensitive topics like your family background, your criminal records (if any), your past families (if any), your past successes and failures (if any) etcetera. It is better for your other half to hear about your past from you rather than to find out from a blast from the past.
Now, a note to the ladies. If you want your partner to lay everything out in the open without reservations, please be sure that you can handle it, because the last thing he would want is for you to blow it up in his face. Not only an explosive reaction ruin the trust that you have built between you, the chances of him having the confidence in you, enough to want to disclose sensitive information, will be very slim. It might even ruin the relationship. His biggest worry would probably be to be judged and to lose face in your eyes for things that he has done in the past. If he is laying his past - and his heart - out on the table for you, the least you can do is be supportive and positive in the communication. Don't focus too much on what has happened in his life or if he's ready to give his everything for a future with you. The windshield is much bigger than the rear view mirror because its more important to look and focus on where you're heading rather than what has already past, right?
