Photography: Erich McVey
Is it possible to tame a bad boy? To get to the bottom of this question, we decided to interview someone who is now in a loving, committed and long-term relationship with a man that used to be a major playboy in the past. Before committing to her, her boyfriend was having a lot of fun being in multiple relationships with women and had no plans of settling down. However, falling in love with his current girlfriend changed it all for him and he is now a devoted partner to her. He's happy and committed. How was this possible? We asked her about how to tame a bad boy and here are her responses:
"I did not want to tame him…"
What most of the girls before her tried to do was go into the relationship with the intention of changing their partner from a bad boy into a good one. However, it just never seemed to work and only backfired on the relationship. The truth is no one wants to be in a relationship with someone that wants to change him or her. What made her different from the girls before her was that she had no intention to change him at all. She did not want him to change his life for her in a way that he would not naturally want to. The honest and genuine acceptance and love she had for him enabled him to truly be himself and thus, made it more possible for a real connection to occur between the two of them.
"I did what no girl had done before me. I was being completely honest with him."
On top of accepting her partner just as he is, she took it upon herself to just be completely honest with him about her feelings. Not only that, she also openly talked about what she wanted out of the relationship. She was very clear about wanting a long-term committed relationship and that the last thing she wanted was to be in a push and pull situation where she would be constantly chasing him. Being honest and creating boundaries allowed him to form respect for her as a woman. She laid her cards on the table and made him evaluate his own feelings, which in this case, was that he wanted a serious relationship with her too.
"I didn't even try to change the bad boy without directly changing him."
There has to be no agenda, no ulterior motive when you are doing this. You cannot fake love. As soon as you have the motive of, "if I just show that I don't want to change him, it will change him" – the relationship will be tainted. Trying to play games in order to "change" a bad boy will not facilitate true intimacy. Look within your heart and ask yourself the question of whether or not you really want to be with him. If he is the person you truly love, then you will let him be himself while still honoring your own needs.
