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"Dear Bridestory, I feel like I am stuck between my mom and my boyfriend. My boyfriend and I have been together for a few years now. He treats well and we have a great relationship together. But, the weird thing is that my mom dislikes him and always talks so badly of him. She never took a liking to him from the beginning but for some reason her dislike has been increasing over time no matter how hard we try to change her feelings. My boyfriend has been so sweet towards her and has never done anything disrespectful so; I'm not really sure what her problem is with him. I am starting to feel insecure and wonder whether it's just me that's blind here? - ConfusedDaughter
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Dear ConfusedDaughter,
First of all, it can be the most uncomfortable and almost painful situation to be in when you are very happy with your partner but your parent/parents aren't. You mom's opinion of your boyfriend is clearly important to you otherwise you wouldn't get so worried or confused about it. And it also sounds like you and your boyfriend have been trying to change her mind overtime hoping that she will take a liking to him but nothing seems to be working. However, there doesn't seem to be any clarity from either you or your mom about this situation. You may have tried to change her mind overtime but perhaps what you need is to have a proper one-on-one talk with her about this issue.
It is important to have a conversation with her to clarify some things. It helps to ask her straight up why she has not been the biggest fan of your boyfriend. Ask her to give you clear reasons and let her know that the only reason you are asking is so that you can try to find a way to fix the situation. Communicate to her how important her opinion is for you and that her disliking your boyfriend has not been easy for you to handle. If she could give you concrete reasons as to why she isn't happy with him for instance, the way he treats you (in her eyes), the way he is with himself (lack of ambition, unclear career path, unhealthy relationship with his family, etc.) or the way he is with her then this gives you a way to change some things for the better.
However, if your mom dismisses your question and does not want to answer or her answers are quite irrelevant then there might be something else that is triggering her dislike. If your boyfriend has done nothing wrong and is someone that your mom should technically like then he might just be a trigger for deeper issues your mom may have. It might be possible that she is jealous of you – seeing how a great guy can treat you so well. Or she might even feel insecure about herself and therefore is projecting it onto you – perhaps she is afraid that your boyfriend might hurt you the way another guy hurt your mom. Either way it is important to get things straight and if the problem is in fact with your mom then you have every right to stay with your boyfriend and not let your mom's issues ruin your relationship.
Parents tend to be emotionally reactive and as a child it is easy for you to be overly influenced by it. However when your parent/parents are the ones verbally abusing you and trying to control you by hurting those you love then that is something you should not allow to happen.
