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"Dear Bridestory, I am in a long-term relationship with this guy (I don't think he is a man just yet and there's a reason for it!) who is incredibly close to his mother and I don't mean in a good way. At first I found it cute and endearing how much he values his mother's opinions but after some time now I realized that at times he would value her opinion way more than mine. The worst thing is that he is now beginning to show that he wants me to be more like her! And I am quite different from her! I love him, I do – but this is just getting ridiculous. Any advice on this? Thank you!" – DatingAMomma'sBoy
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Dear DatingAMomma'sBoy,
We can absolutely understand where you're coming from and how annoying it can feel to be in the position that you are in. You were right about how adorable and sweet men can appear to be when they are close with their mother. However, that image can easily be tainted once they start asking for you to become like their mother. It seems that although it's not the best situation, you love your boyfriend and want to have a future with him. It is now about how to handle the fact that you are dating a mama's boy.
The first piece of advice we want to give you is to learn to accept that his mother will always be number one in his life. Once you are dating a mama's boy it can be close to impossible to make him 'not close' to his mother. Trying to get him to put you first above his mother will only backfire and in fact make him question your intentions. Accepting that she will always be his number one does not have to mean that you put yourself beneath her either. This is where the next step comes in, which is to communicate to him how you are feeling or how his actions have been making you feel. Your boyfriend might not even realize that what he is doing is causing you pain in any way, so it would be great to let him in on what's going on in your head right now.
Try to avoid using the words "mama's boy" when you are talking to him about his actions and your feelings because no man likes to ever hear that, ever. The point is to let him know that by him showing how much he wants you to be like his mom makes you feel like you are not good enough for him as yourself. It is important for you to still feel like you are respected and a high priority in his life. You are your own person and if he claims to love you, then he should love you for the person that you are. It is important to have a heart to heart conversation with your boyfriend about this because for all you know his actions could have meant that he sees how great you could be (like his mom). Which in his eyes is in fact a great thing.
After having conversations with him, try to give him some time before you decide that he will never change. It won't just take one conversation for your man to start adjusting his ways, so give it time. In the mean while, it helps to get closer to his mother and spend some time getting to know her. Your man will love that you are trying to spend some time with her rather than isolating yourself from her altogether. If after a long while things get worse and you find your boyfriend not respecting your needs and your feelings, then it may be a good time to reconsider the relationship. If he is going to demand you to change and become his mother right now – then this will only get worse in the far future. So, before it's all too late to back away, decide sooner than later if this relationship is worth losing yourself over. Good luck!
Got some relationship issues you need to talk about? We're here for you! Send in your question to editorial@bridestory.com, pour yourself a nice cup of tea, and let's have a heart-to-heart conversation.
