Photography: Thinkstock Photos
Dear Heart-To-Heart,
My fiancé and I have been together for 3 years now. He is the best man I have ever been with and I truly do feel lucky to be with him. However, I do have an issue with trust, which has been a problem of mine since before I met my fiancé. We talk openly about this issue and he tries to help me however, it is still very difficult for me to trust. The result of this mistrust has lead to me snooping on his phone and social media. Although I do not find anything suspicious or worrying, should I stop or continue snooping just in case I do find something? Thanks! - snoopergirl
--
Dear snoopergirl,
It sounds like you got yourself a good man who really loves and cares about you and your well-being. Not only is he treating you the best way he knows how, but also he is willing to be there with you and for you throughout this difficult journey of being able to trust. However, now you have come to a bit of a sticky situation with snooping. It seems that although you have no reason to worry, snooping gives you the comfort of 'knowing the truth' in case anything does happen.
Our suggestion regarding this is to stop snooping completely and immediately. The reason why snooping does not work for any relationships is because it involves invading someone's privacy and breaching his trust. Snooping gives you the illusion that you will know if or when you spouse cheats, hence giving you the idea that you are saving yourself from potential hurt and pain.
However, it is important to understand that all snooping does is only feed on your insecurities without ever giving you real sense of security. And even if you do 'finally' find something that worries you, presenting it to your fiancé by letting him know you snooped, will in return break the trust he has for you.
Snooping in this case can only result in further damage to your relationship, as it is a way of indirectly showing him just how much you do not trust him. Instead of snooping, you might want to learn other ways to communicate your fears to your partner. If something worries you and you need to talk about it, you can benefit from suggesting an open conversation. Make sure to choose a time when you both are calm enough to have this conversation and begin with expressing your concerns and fears, and why you feel that way. Do not accuse your partner of anything, simply state that your intention is purely to clarify.
From the way you described your fiancé, he seems to be quite understanding of your situation already. So, give him the respect of at least bringing any worries you may have to his attention rather than to snoop behind his back. For some, trust takes time and is a process in itself. But with an honest and open communication on both sides, it is definitely possible to have.
--
Start a Heart-To-Heart conversation! Send your anonymous questions to editorial@bridestory.com with the subject: Heart-To-Heart Talk.
