Photography: iStock Photos
"Dear Bridestory, I recently got married to the love of my life about 6 months ago. We had a beautiful wedding and were both really excited about spending the rest of our lives together. However, now that we are married, I feel like there's something missing. I feel bored most of the time with our marriage and it hasn't even been a year! I just feel like there's nothing more to look forward to now. Is this normal? And how can I feel excited again? Thank you!" -BoredWife
--
Hello, BoredWife. First of all, boredom in a romantic relationship is absolutely normal and to be expected especially if you are in a life-long committed relationship. What you need to do that will help change your feeling is to first change your perception about 'boredom'. Boredom does not have to indicate that something negative is happening. Boredom can indicate that you and your partner are now at a point in your relationship where you both feel absolutely comfortable with each other. It means you have consistency, familiarity and with that comes security. To have all these things mean that it is a good thing, because your relationship is in a good phase. If you do not experience boredom every once in a while in your marriage then it means that you haven't yet reached the 'comfortable' stage. Change your perception first and then you can begin to do the other steps into making your relationship exciting again.
You mentioned about not knowing what else to look forward to in your marriage as the wedding day is over and done with. Well, the truth is that marriage does not have to mean the end of all new things. In fact, marriage is only the beginning of your whole life ahead of you. Think about the fact that with marriage come new experiences such as living with your partner for the first time, making every decision together and raising a family (if that is what you both want). Don't forget about how exciting building a life together with your partner can actually be. Figuring out where to live, how to make your new house a home or what traditions you both would want to implement in the household – these are the things to look forward to. Be open-minded about what you consider to be 'new things' because you and your husband are only at the beginning of what could be a wonderful journey. And who knows, you might even end up falling in love multiple times with your husband as you see him through different lights – husband and possibly the father of your children.
The next step you should take is to communicate how you are feeling to your husband. The point of letting him know how you feel is not to place blame or to make him feel bad about you feeling bored. If you are not sure how to communicate without hurting his feelings, say something like, "Sweetheart, I have been feeling a little bit dull lately and in need of something exciting. What do you think about doing something different together? Is there anything in particular you maybe want to try so that we can have fun together?" The goal is to figure out how you both can make the relationship stimulating again in a way that is also realistic and manageable at the same time. If you both are in fact very busy with work and hardly have the time to constantly surprise each other or do romantic things all the time – then invest on a date night once a week or a get away holiday once every two months. Find a something that you both can look forward to every once in a while, whatever it may be. Just because you both are not technically dating each other doesn't mean you both should stop going on dates! Remember that it is absolutely okay and normal to feel bored once in a while. Do not bottle your feelings of boredom to yourself as it can fester into bigger issues such as infidelity and emotional disconnection. The best thing you can do is let your husband in on how you feel and come to a solution together.
