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"Dear Bridestory, I have been with my boyfriend now for about a year. I am happy with him and want a future together but I'm not sure if he wants the same thing. I'm wondering how I can make my boyfriend commit to the future of the relationship. I've decided that it's time to stop playing games and get serious but he seems to be putting up a resistance. What's your advice in terms of getting a man to be more committed to the future?" - CommitmentGirl
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Dear CommitmentGirl,
First of all, it sounds like you know exactly what you want from the relationship and you feel that your partner is the right person for you long-term wise. It can definitely get a bit tricky when you might not be in the same page as your partner regarding what you both have and where it is going. But, there are certainly some things you can do and say to get your message across and to also get him to think about his future with you more seriously.
First thing's first is that you need to have an attitude of self-confidence. Confidence in this case means knowing your value and making sure that your partner acknowledges it too. This should be the foundation of your mindset before you do or say anything else to get him more committed. When you value yourself you do not present yourself in a 'desperate' or 'needy' manner towards anyone especially your partner. When you are able to know your own worth you will appear more sexy, attractive and different from all the rest. This mindset and attitude will get any man wanting to commit to you and you only. Confidence is key and it is vital to show him just how valuable you are.
Secondly, a man loves a woman who can make him feel like a king but also who can make him grow as a person. Learn to express your appreciation more towards him – tell him how great he is as a man, how proud you are to have him as your partner and how much you respect him. Furthermore, support and encourage him to keep growing as a person but never ever nag. Nagging will only make him become more and more distant from you, instead; motivate him to always be better by doing the same for yourself. If your partner can feel appreciated, respected and supported by you – he will never want to let you go and he will want to make you 'his' for as long as you both shall live.
Last but not least, do not feel afraid or ashamed of expressing your needs and wants towards your partner. If after you have done all the above it is important that you get clear with what you want and you let him know. Be careful not to 'demand' a future with him or demand him to be more committed – you are his partner, not his owner. Simply have a serious one-to-one conversation with him where you tell him about what it is that you are looking for right now in your life. If it is marriage for the future and you want it with him – let him know this (without asking for anything). He will get the message loud and clear and if he starts to show some commitment back then he really is the right person for you.
