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"Dear Bridestory, I am engaged to my fiancé and our wedding day is in a matter of months but there is something I have yet to tell my fiancé about. It is regarding my virginity and my sexual past with other men. The thing is that I have had quite a lot of experience when it comes to sex – I was very promiscuous. I have yet to have sex with my fiancé who is a virgin and I feel that I should be honest with him and tell him about my past. But, I'm so afraid he will reject me or not love me the same way. And even if he still wants to marry me – I'm also worried about his ability to satisfy me sexually with his zero experience. What should I do?" - MyControversialPast
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Dear MyControversialPast,
First thing's first, we absolutely understand your dilemma in whether or not you should let your fiancé know the sexual experiences you have had in the past. However, the fact of the matter is whether we may be proud of it or not – we all have a past and we cannot really change or erase what has happened before. Although you may be a bit ashamed or worried how your past might ruin your future, you must keep in mind that your past has made you the person you are today and has certainly made you the person your fiancé fell in love with. So, no matter how 'bad' you think your past was, it is still a part of you in one way or another.
If you feel that letting your fiancé in on what you have gone through before will strengthen the bond between the two of you then it is best to let him know. The last thing you would want is for your past to show up in your future and for your husband to find out from somewhere or someone else. Your fiancé deserves to really know the person he will be marrying and if he truly loves you then this will not hinder his decision to spend the rest of his life with you.
The second worry you mentioned about was whether or not you and your fiancé will be sexually compatible in the bedroom. The thing about sex is that a person's sexual experience does not equal to how 'good' they will be and vice versa. Furthermore, it is important to understand that sex will be very different with every single person you are with. The sex you have with A will be different with the sex you have with B (even if they both have the same or similar sexual experiences). No matter how much experience or lack of experience you and your partner may have will not ever determine thesexual connection you both will share when making love. Therefore, it would be wise to not assume the worst, and simply be open to learning about each other's sexual needs.
The key to good sex in marriage is a great connection with your partner, which goes beyond the physical. If you love each other deeply (emotionally), it will reflect on the way you make love to one another. With this in mind, focus on loving your partner and you will soon find that your sex life will be up to par. Good luck!
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