Photography: Thinkstock Photos
"Heart-to-Heart, I am currently in a long-term relationship with someone who I truly feel I connect with and share a lot of similar morals and values with. Because we have been together for 3 years now, my family and friends is sort of pressuring us on getting married – like, soon! Although marriage is our future goal, I am not so sure if I'm really ready for it just yet. Can you ever know when you're ready and if so, what are the signs? Thank you!" - On The Fence
--
Dear On The Fence,
You have asked a very good question that everyone should be thinking about before stepping into a lifelong commitment such as marriage. It seems that marriage is definitely what you want for the future and you feel that you have found the right person to spend the rest of your life with. However, right now the issue is about timing. We could love someone so much but when it comes to marriage - that is whole other ball game we must seriously be ready to play before deciding anything. So, to help you figure out whether or not you are personally ready for marriage, here are a few pointers:
1. Have you developed a strong friendship that has lasted over time? Friendship is very important for any romantic relationships to last and prosper. Being physically attracted to your partner is a must, however, since physical appearance deteriorates over time, the friendship you share will keep the sparks alive. There is nothing better than growing old with the person you love and still being able to laugh and be each other's best friends. If you can see yourself being friends with your partner even if there is no romance, then you have found yourself a great match for marriage.
2. Are you marrying out of strength or weakness? Do you know who you are and are you happy with yourself or do you feel the need for someone else to fill the gaps in your personality? If you are still at that point in your life where you still need someone else to make you feel better about yourself, then you are not ready for marriage, at least not a healthy one. It is important to work on yourself first – whether that is figuring out your passion, your career, hobbies, interests, whatever it is, make sure you find yourself first before committing to someone else.
3. How are you at handling conflicts? When two people commit to a life together, hiccups are bound to happen. You will have disagreements and quarrels, big and small. How you handle differences right now will tell a lot about how you will handle it later on. If you are able to compromise, communicate well, share your feelings and handle anger constructively, then you are already off to a great start.
4. Are you able to keep commitments and delay gratification? Commitment is called for when there are bumps in your relationship, not when things are going well. When you have commitment then no matter what comes your way, you will stay with your partner through it all. You are ready for marriage if you can accept the fact that even when you feel like giving up and walking away, you won't, simply because you are committed to that person. Being married means you have chosen to be with your partner for the rest of your life through the bad and through the good. When you can truly accept this as your reality then you are ready.
We can give you pointers, but that's all we can give, because the answer to the question of whether you ready for marriage or not, is only something you know.
