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The topic of sex can be one of the most awkward conversations to have with your partner regardless if you are still in the dating phase or if you are already married. It takes a certain kind of vulnerability to be able to talk about it openly and not feel like you want to just crawl under the blanket and avoid the topic altogether. However, in marriage – sex plays a very important role not only in connecting you and your partner together but also in our desire to create a family. When the topic of sex is brushed aside only to be 'handled' later on in marriage sometimes that can create problems for the relationship. Especially when there are certain sexual desires or fantasies that either you and/or your partner have but are not sharing with one another. Although there is absolutely nothing wrong with having sexual fantasies there are certain fantasies that can end up ruining the 'reality' of your marriage.
Fantasies allow people to escape the frustrations and limits of everyday living and because of this people tend to return to a particular preferred fantasy again and again and get comfortable with or even addicted to it. And when those particular sexual fantasies do not match up to their reality that is when fantasies can become troublesome and could harm the relationship. Although all men and women have sexual desires of their own, men seem to be a lot more vulnerable to having 'unrealistic' expectations when it comes to sex due to exposures to porn. They tend to have a far more 'over the top' fantasies that either they view only a fantasy (and never to be played out) or they expect to experience later on in marriage. You would be lucky if your partner has certain sexual fantasies that actually match yours, but when he has fantasies in which makes you feel extremely uncomfortable that can be quite difficult to handle.
Be open about hearing what sexual fantasies he may have.
One of the best ways to avoid any 'shock' or unpleasant surprises when it comes to sex and what either of you expects from each other, it helps if you and your partner can be transparent about each other's sexual desires and expectations before entering marriage. Have conversations with your partner about what desires and/or expectations he may have about sex and whether or not they are things in which he expects you to be able to provide him later in marriage. Sometimes your partner may have certain desires, which he understands are not realistic and is able to simply keep to himself and other times there are certain expectations he may have, which he wants to be able to experience. Knowing which ones are which can really give you an idea of whether or not his expectations are things you feel comfortable with.
When you both have conversations about sex prior to marriage, you are putting yourself in an easier position to decide whether your partner's sexual fantasies are a liability to the relationship or not. If at any point your partner demands you to allow him to act out his sexual desires even though you feel very uncomfortable about them, please view this as a red flag, which deserves your attention. Any sexual experience you have with your partner should always be 100% consensual and no less than that. You should be never be in the position where you feel pressured to do something you feel uncomfortable with no matter what your partner may say to you. If your partner respects you as a person and loves you, then he will understand if certain sexual desires that he have simply do not match your level of comfort and he will leave it at that. The more he persists no matter how much you have tried to communicate to him your worries, then it would be a good time to reconsider if this is the person you would want to spend the rest of your life with.
Be open about sharing any fantasies you may have.
Just as you would like for your partner to be honest and open with you about his sexual desires and expectations it helps that you also are able to do the same. One of the best ways to experience a good sex life with your husband later on is if you are able to be open with your sexuality firstly towards yourself. Women often tend to avoid the topic of sex especially when it is to do with their own desires because the interest on sex has always been more of a 'men's topic'. This is why when it comes to marriage and sex is finally a big part of the relationship, women often get intimidated or worried because they haven't necessarily learnt to feel comfortable around the topic of sex. However, if you cannot even 'embrace' your sexuality with yourself, then how do you expect to be open about it with your partner, let alone enjoy your sex life with him? It is vital to firstly be open with yourself when it comes to sex and then to be able to express any desires or expectations around it, which you may want your partner to be able to fulfill.
If your desires and/or expectations of your partner make him feel uncomfortable in any way then once again, you will have to be able to accept that and move on. Although it may be true that most men can be a lot more promiscuous when it comes to sex, there are still some men that in fact are a little bit more 'sheltered' and does not have over the top fantasies. If you are on the other side of the coin, where you feel that your partner is the one who isn't fulfilling your desires sexually, then you both should be able to talk about it and see if you can come to a solution together. The bottom line is that no matter who is expecting what – sex should always remain consensual regardless. If at any point either of you feel forced to do something in order to make the other person happy sexually that is a serious issue that needs to be handled as soon as possible.
Although having sexual fantasies and being able to express them in your relationship can lead you to have a healthy and enjoyable sex life, living too much inside those fantasies and not being able to see the reality can take a toll on your relationship. The key is in knowing whether those fantasies that you and/or your partner have are something that can be experienced or is something that is in fact better left to the imagination. Whatever you and your partner feel around each other's sexual desires are completely up to the both of you. Be in tuned with each other's level of sexual comfort and only then will you be able to truly have a healthy sex life in marriage.
