Photography: Henry Pham via Unsplash.com
When you're in love and starting a new relationship, it's easy to only see the good things. But sooner or later, when both of your true colors start to show, you should be aware of things that can be signs of a toxic relationship. Say no to these red flags and try to work it out with your partner. If things are irreparable or getting worse each day, maybe it's time to rethink this relationship and move on?
1. Abuse
Either physical, mental, psychological, or verbal, abuse is abuse. The minute you notice a potentially violent behavior from your partner, no matter how mild it is, you should reevaluate this relationship and don't compromise. Avoid being in denial and making excuses for your partner's abusive attitude. And the most important thing is, don't ever put the blame on you. The only person who should be feeling guilty is the one doing the abuse. So, break it off immediately before it got worse, and don't look back.
2. Addiction
Being in a relationship with someone who has any kind of addiction means that you will always compete with the things your partner is obsessed about. It can be related to drugs, alcohol, sex, porn, gambling, or even their seemingly insignificant attachment to video games or gadgets. Those things they are fixated with will be their number one priority, making you fall back to the bottom of the list. Help your partner to notice this problem and find a way to make it better, but if they refuse your help and choose to stick with this pattern, then don't waste your time and just say bye.
3. Over-jealousy
In a considerate amount jealousy can be cute, but more than that and your relationship can be at stake. Being overly-jealous, especially when there's no reason to be, would create nothing but unnecessary problems and negativity in your relationship. Talk about where that anxiety and fear come from, then try your best to understand and reassure your partner that they have nothing to be worried about. If they keep on being overly jealous to the point of controlling, manipulating, being needy, or invading your privacy, you might want to think twice about spending the rest of your life with them.
4. Possessiveness
Jealousy usually leads to possessiveness, where someone claims ownership of others' life. Having a relationship with a possessive person will limit your mobility and independence, because they will see you as their belonging instead of an equal partner. Be aware whenever your partner starts to do things like forbid you to go somewhere with certain people, not allowing you to do stuff yourself or without them or demanding you to tell them your whereabouts at all times. Once you let him act that way, he will see it as a sign of your submission to being his property. We do agree that relationships come with certain boundaries and obligations that both parties need to adhere to, but, only to a healthy amount. Besides, everything "over" is never good.
5. Controlling Behavior
If your partner has the tendency to control and manipulate your actions or even mind, especially for their own benefits, you better watch out. The signs for this red flag includes your partner not letting you make your own decision, telling you what to do, say, or think, and then get angry if you don't comply. They might also restrict your independence to the point that you can't do anything without his permission. They would say that it's for your own good or because they love you so much, when it's just an excuse for the controlling habit. Imagine how suffocating that would be, so have the courage to say no to this kind of behavior before it's too late.
6. Lying and untrustworthiness
Everyone knows that one secret to a successful relationship is deep sense of trust between the parties involved. Telling lies and being untrustworthy will do nothing but damage your love life, including white lies in some cases. Without trust, you wouldn't have a strong foundation that the relationship needs, and you will be constantly looking over your shoulder to check up on them. If your partner has the habit of telling lies, betray your trust, act shady, or keep lots of deep dark secrets from you, are you sure you want that kind of person to be your spouse?
7. Cheating
Cheating and infidelity are caused by lack of respect for you and your relationship. It is also one of the main reasons why so many marriages are falling apart, so you should carefully reassess a relationship with someone who have cheated on you. Sometimes, it is a one-time thing and maybe you can find it in your heart to forgive them, but don't hurt yourself for too long if it happens again and again. Also, don't feel like the cheating happened because you lack something and made you question your self-worth. It is as simple as this: if they want something else, they should just leave instead of going behind your back.
8. Insecurities
If your partner always thinks that you're unfaithful, feel threatened by your successful career, or fear that he won't be accepted by your family, it might be a sign of insecurities. When it gets to the point of causing frustration and stress to the relationship then it is time to take action. But do notice that most insecurities are coming from bad childhood, past traumas, loneliness, rejections, or experience of failure, so you should handle it with empathy and don't see it as a deal-breaker as long as you are prepared to help him overcome it. Listen to your heart, if your partner's insecurities crippled your relationship and making you unhappy, then think again.
9. Lack of Communication
Communication is certainly the key to a harmonious partnership, so what happens when a couple can't communicate with each other properly? It would definitely create difficulties and misunderstanding. An ideal relationship should have two people who can talk about most things and express their feelings, desire, or concerns to each other freely. If you find it hard to be open and honest about voicing your opinions and thoughts to your partner, constantly giving or getting the silent treatment, or handling crisis on your own instead of together, then both of you should find a way to solve the problem immediately.
One last tip, if after reading the article you feel like you're the one executing these bad behaviors to your partner, perhaps it's a good time to introspect and apologize if you have hurt your partner along the way. In any case, it's never too late to do something good and change for the better. If a relationship is successful, it can be very rewarding to both parties in it.
