When you're about to get married, there are tons of things to be prepared! The wedding venue, dress, makeup, shoes, suits, catering, honeymoon, et cetera, et cetera. But one thing that you should remember is that you shouldn't forget to prepare yourself mentally for the days after the wedding. To help you out, we concluded nine things you can do to mentally prepare yourself for being a wife and be in a marriage with your future spouse. Hopefully, you will enter the new life, fully ready for all the ups and downs of this thrilling ride!
1. Change 'me' to 'we'
There's no place for selfishness in a marriage, so you should start changing your mindset from 'me' to 'we'. It doesn't mean that you will lose your identity or should stop thinking about your personal happiness, it's more about starting to consider your future spouse in your plans and dreams, and other things that you'll do. Marriage is a partnership and the two of you need to be on the same team. So, put aside some of that ego and self-centeredness!
2. Learn from a role model couple
Do you know a figure of couples that set a great example of lasting marriage and long-term commitment? If yes, then learn from them. Ask them about how to handle the disagreements and arguments, how to balance work and marriage, and also observe how they're treating their spouse, both in bad and good times. Through the years, surely they have found a secret or two for a longstanding union. Their wisdom can be a guidance for you to act as a married couple and also as an individual.
3. Attend premarital classes or courses
Whether if you're in the dark about marriage or feel like you can wing it once you're in it, there's no harm in getting more knowledge from premarital classes or courses. Usually, they have a counselor that can answer your questions, enlighten you with some useful insights, or help you get through certain pre-wedding anxiety or fear. Unlike getting tips from parents or friends, the counselors are known to be neutral and non-bias so that you can get objective advice or information.
4. Start adjusting and planning your finance
There will be quite a shifting from handling your finance as a single to managing household finance together and sharing your wealth with your spouse. And because money issue is one of the main reasons for divorce, we can't stress enough how much important it is to start adjusting and planning your financial life, before you get married. It should be done together with your fiancé; be open about your salary, debts, assets, or investments, and share about your long-term plans, dreams, and goals. Once the two of you know what to expect from each other, start making changes into your money habit, like start saving, and avoid spending impulsively or putting off some bills that can become debts.
5. Talk about children
You surely know how some people start asking when are you going to have a baby, the minute you exchanged those vows. If you're not mentally prepared to talk about it, let alone having kids, then it could be a quite challenging issue to handle. Again, we encourage you to have a discussion with your fiancé regarding this. When you have reached an understanding with each other, it will be easier for you to decide when and how this family expansion will happen and not stressing with external pressure.
6. Practice forgiveness
Forgiveness is one of the keys of a successful marriage, so you should be prepared for this. Holding a grudge to your spouse will only harm your relationship and create a negative climate in your home, instead learn how to forgive and see the silver lining in the hardships you might encounter. That way, you can learn from each other and grow together without being divided by bitterness and resentment.
7. Keep an open mind and be flexible
You might have some expectations about married life but remember that you shouldn't expect everything to be perfect in a marriage. There are going to be ups and downs, and you need to be ready for it. Have faith in your future spouse and your relationship so you wouldn't give up easily when faced with marital problems. You should also keep an open mind and be flexible because there will also be changes in your life, some that you might not expect before, so prepare yourself to be more adaptable!
8. Discuss the boundaries
You and your future spouse might have different ways of thinking, contrasting perspective, also particular wants and needs. To minimize friction in your married life, make sure you discuss the boundaries with him beforehand. After you got married, what is okay and what is not okay for you to do? Can your spouse still be friend with his exes? When can you have girls' night out with your best friends? Should you share personal issues with family and friends? Talk thoroughly and agree on the limits together.
9. Build your friendship and learn to laugh it off
The best way to experience a great marriage is by having your best friend as a spouse. See him not only as your lover or leader but also someone you can talk to about most anything, share your passions with and confide in, even someone you can be yourself around. Just as friends do, learn to create a positive atmosphere around each other and try to laugh at some of your problems to chase it away rather than handling it in a too-serious manner.
