Photography: Sage Clover Photography
Ask any parent and they'll tell you that having a baby, while it has its many perks, is no walk in the park. Just like a marriage, it's a lifetime commitment and hard work, but the rewards you reap from parenting will be one of your most significant experiences. From thorny issues like finances and religion to discipline and child care, it's best to clear the air with your spouse so that you're both on the same page or know where the other stands on certain topics before taking the next step.
1. Are you ready to start a family now?
Perhaps career is a priority for one or both of you and having a baby now isn't a good time or you want more time to settle down as a couple first and enjoy some 'us' time. It's best to discuss this topic first as it paves the way for the rest of the questions.
2. Finances
This is a sensitive topic, but a necessary one to have. It can be costly to have a baby — doctor's fees, delivery charges, hospital bill, baby's items, insurance, education fund etc, so it's best if you set aside an amount for all that. Be honest with each other, perhaps you need to wait to have baby while you take a little time to save up.
3. Fertility treatments (if needed)
What's your Plan B and C should there be any difficulty in conceiving? Are you ok to go for fertility treatments, or is adoption an option for you?
4. Other complications
What will you do should prenatal screenings show that your baby might have a disability? Discuss this issue in depth as it will impact you as a couple too.
5. Child care
Are you considering placing baby in an infant care centre when maternity leave ends? Or will you hire a helper to help with baby, or are the in-laws or your parents willing to care for baby when both of you are at work? This is an important aspect, and could mean higher expenses should you go for the first two options. Make sure to discuss with the relevant family members should you require their help as it's a big undertaking.
6. Religion
This could potentially be a thorny issue too. If you and your spouse have different faiths, which religion would you want your child to adopt?
7. Discipline
How strict are you going to be on your child? Is spanking ok or just a firm warning will do? As parents, you both need to agree on the disciplinary methods.
8. Parental duties
Is he averse to diaper duty or are you both going to split it as equally as possible? It's best to lay out your cards from the start so there won't be any nasty surprises and unhappiness later on.
