Photography: Monkey Business Images
Once you are married, ideally, all the decisions about the life and the future you are building would be kept between you and your spouse. But, when you have a mom (or a mom-in-law) who has strong opinions and who wants a say in your decision-making process, it can be very difficult for you to find a middle ground. How do you handle a meddling mom? We are going to share some tips and advice for those of you who might be in this situation and would like to do something about it.
1. See her intentions. You must understand where your mom is coming from when she is "meddling" in your married life. The most usual case is, your mom may be feeling insecure in her abilities to still be the helpful and useful mom to you, especially now that you have your own family. Though being opinionated may come across as annoying or just downright too much, understand that it is all coming from a good place and she is not trying to hurt you.
2. It's all about timing. If you feel like you must tell her about your feelings towards her, choose the right time. Avoid a time where you know she is in a particularly bad mood and/or things are hectic in her life as this might just tick off an argument. Take her out for a cup of coffee or a nice lunch out together and when you feel the time is right, you can ease into the topic.
3. Choose the right words. Always begin by saying how much you appreciate her attention and intention in wanting to help as it means a lot to you. Say, "Mom, I really appreciate you wanting to help, but I think I'd like to try and do it in my own way for now."
4. Be mindful of your one of voice and body language. Be as calm as you can and show this through your voice as well as your body language. Don't forget small yet important gestures like grazing her hand or giving her a hug. This shows her that you love her at the end of the day and you are not about to kick her out of your life.
5. Keep it short. Communicate whatever you are trying to get across as short as possible. A long speech might make her feel like she is being lectured.
6. Be patient. Although you may have tried your best to be diplomatic, she may still react defensively. In this case, simply continue to remind her of your love by saying, "Thank you for always wanting to help, Mom. I love you."
7. Ask your spouse to participate. If it's the mother-in-laws who are giving you tough times, ask your spouse to participate in the process of making her understand that you would not replace her in her son or daughter's life. It is also important to involve your spouse because as her child, they should know the best way to get to their mother's heart.
At the end of the day, mothers only wants and needs to feel helpful and useful for her children, no matter how old they are now. So, ask her for tips and advice on other things like how she managed to make that delicious corn beef hash or how she was able to balance work while raising three kids at the same time. Let her know that you still appreciate her insights and make sure you nurture the relationship in any way possible.
