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We all know that getting married is a big deal. It truly signifies a passage to a new and more mature chapter in your life. As the people who've been there for you right from the earliest days of your journey, your marriage is also a big step for your parents to take. They might feel like they're losing a child, but also gaining a new one as they will take your spouse into their hearts. They might also feel the responsibility to celebrate your big day in a certain way or let you choose on how you would want it your way. To clear up any concerns or confusion regarding your upcoming nuptial or your life after it, make sure you spend some time to sit with your dear parents and discuss these things:
1. Your Partner
Having a discussion about your soon-to-be spouse is important because every parent would want their son or daughter to have the best partner in a marriage. Even if your parents never have any reservation or express any disagreement over your fiancé before, you should take a chance to ensure them about your choice or share the great qualities you see in your partner that can help you build a successful marriage. That way, your parents will see that you are sure about your partner and spare them the anxiety of you making a wrong decision. If you're the one who's having doubts about your significant other, your parents might be able to help you see a new perspective or share any parental intuition they have about him or her.
2. The Wedding Plan
Before making any decision about your wedding plan, usually you would be expected to consult with your parents first. Especially in a traditional household, where a wedding is not merely an event for the bride and groom but for the parents or even the whole family! On the early stage of wedding planning, discuss the basics first, such as the wedding type, the estimated date, how big it would be, are there any wedding traditions you need to follow or if there's any venue that you or your parents already have in mind. You can also share the things you want or do not want in your wedding and see whether your parents agree on it. Think of this as the brainstorming session where all ideas count, you can always eliminate the unwanted ones later. So, don't throw your parents' idea out just yet, no matter how bad it is, and don't force your ideas on them especially when it seems like they need some time processing it.
3. The Wedding Budget
Before having this important talk with your parents, you should have the budget talk with your fiancé first. Decide on how much each of you will contribute financially in this wedding and whether there are any expenses that will be shared with both of your parents. When you finally bring the discussion to your parents, present them with the basic ideas of your ideal wedding and how much it will approximately cost. Then tell them how much the two of you could afford to finance it and whether or not you still need their help in this area. Be prepared if they say no and don't demand any amount of money from them. If they say yes, then you should ask them how involved they are going to be in the planning process or if they have any expectation regarding this contribution.
4. The Expectations
The next topic is the expectations, both yours and your parents'. It is important to be on the same page about this right from the start, so the three of you would have a clear understanding of everyone's dreams and visions. Discuss things like the type of wedding, is it traditional or modern? The scale; will it be intimate, or do you need to invite hundreds of guests? Can you have a destination wedding, or would they want to have it in your hometown? After you laid down those wants and needs, make sure your parents are also aware with your fiancé and their family's expectations. You can also discuss their expectations after the wedding. Do they still expect you to have a regular Friday dinner at their place or if you are expected to spend Christmas or any holidays with them. If there's any disagreement, you can use this time to negotiate or compromise before stepping on to the next steps.
5. The Responsibilities
A clear and direct flow of work is needed for a fuss-free wedding planning process, so you and your parents should know exactly what you are required to do during the prep and on the day. As the bride, your responsibility usually is to plan and organize the concept, meet up with vendors, set up a timeline or come up with backup plans. But your parents might need you to book rooms for their guests or follow some wedding rituals. The same goes with your parents, they might need to be informed about whether or not they need to throw you an engagement party or to make speeches during the event. Maybe you could even ask your wedding planner to keep a separate list of things to do for your parents to keep them reminded.
6. The After-Marriage Situation
It's essential to discuss the living arrangement after you got married. Are you going to move out to live with your new spouse? If so, how do your parents feel about it? For some parents it wouldn't be easy to be separated from the children, but maybe you can arrange a regular visit if that's the case. Or maybe your spouse is going to move in with you and your parents, which is not unusual in Asian culture. How will the space arrangement and transition be, what are the boundaries or house rules to keep in mind, that's what you need to discuss with your parents and the other family members involved in this arrangement.
7. Questions about Marriage
This is also the perfect opportunity to ask for their advice or opinion regarding marriage and building a family. You might still have concerns about adapting to your new life and your parents could have the answer based on their life experiences. You might never know if they happen to hold a precious life secret you could pass on to the next generations to come! Aside from asking them about wedding stuff, make sure you also spend time to really bond or even make a plan to have some quality time before your big day because just like you, they could also feel the tension and stress from all the wedding planning process.
