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When we think about two people getting married, we'd like to think that their decision is based on true love. That they have found the person they want to grow old with, who treats them the way they deserve and who is committed into a future together. Unfortunately, in the real world many of us get married for other reasons than ones above.
At times circumstances lead us to make marital decisions based on things that in fact should not be a reason to enter into marriage in the first place. It is vital to take into consideration that there are reasons we should all avoid when it comes to getting married.
Here are the top 5 causes we should not base our decisions on when it comes to marriage:
"I don't want to be alone."
First thing's first, there's a difference between being alone and being lonely. We can be alone and not feel lonely because we're able to be happy and content without having a romantic partner. However, if we feel lonely and miserable being single, once we do find a boyfriend, we won't necessarily be happy either. Do not assume that just because we have someone in our lives we can automatically be happy. True happiness can and should only come from us, not anyone else. The fact of the matter is that no man could or should bring us happiness when we can't even provide that for ourselves first. Marrying someone based on this will be a recipe for disaster, as we will be expecting our spouse to fulfill our happiness in ways they will never be able to do. It is not our spouses' job to make us happy and if we put this sort of responsibility on them, then we are setting ourselves up for disappointments.
"I'm getting pressure from my family."
It can be extremely difficult when our parents and family members constantly put pressure on us to get married. We end up being in the dilemma between meeting our family's expectations and not wanting to forgo our own standards at the same time. The fact is that at the end of the day the person who will be undergoing the marriage (the forever-until-death-do-us-part) is not our mom, our dad, or our siblings. The only one who will be going through it day by day, is us. Think about what marriage will actually look like in broad daylight if the person we have chosen to marry is not really the person we want to be with. If the main reason we marry our spouse is in order to make our family happy, then we are signing our happiness away and will end up feeling resentful. The best thing to do is to find someone we are happy with and to marry in the timing we feel most comfortable with. For in the end, seeing their children happy is everything that parents can hope for.
"I won't find anyone better."
If our reason for getting married is because we feel we won't find anyone better, please take a proper moment to really think about our decision. We should not marry the person we feel we're not fully compatible with. In other words, we should not settle for second best. The moment we think that we won't find someone better is the moment we dismiss the real chance for us to actually meet a person that's more suitable for us. Again, think about what the marriage will look like once the wedding is all over and we are there with the person we have 'settled' for. If we know we deserve better then it is vital to go with what feels right to us. Married life is not supposed to be miserable but it will most certainly be if the person we marry was second, third or even fourth best.
"I need the money."
This is probably one of the biggest reasons why some of us choose to get married. As soon as we meet someone who has an amazing financial income, the thought of marrying and having a life with them seems like heaven. We will be financially secure and live a luxurious lifestyle forever and ever. But, the harsh truth is that not anyone's financial circumstances could ever be truly secure. Someone can go from being a millionaire to being bankrupt in a matter of months. If our reason to marry our spouse is due to the amount of cash they have, do consider what might happen if their income decreases. Think about the likelihood of them losing their job and us having to help with the finance. These things could happen and once we're married, we cannot just walk away whenever we wish, it is not that simple. We're not saying that it's wrong to marry someone with an abundant financial income. Just be sure that if suddenly a bad day comes, you will have the heart and courage to stay in the relationship and support your spouse fully. After all, didn't you say "for richer, for poorer, until death do us part"?
"I want to fix my relationship."
Most people think that marriage is the solution to our current relationship problems. That if there are trust issues, affairs or unhealthy behaviors in the relationship, they will all just magically disappear after marriage. Although that sounds very convenient, it's definitely untrue. Do not underestimate how much bigger our problems can get once we share a house with our spouse, have kids and have shared responsibilities to keep a household going. If we think that getting married will fix our relationship problems, then we are surely mistaken. Fix whatever that needs fixing right now, we will thank ourselves for it in the future.
