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If you want to have a healthy and long lasting relationship – learn to argue well by changing your perception on conflicts and by learning these 4 suggestions. The most successful couples are not the ones that never argue or hardly ever argue. But, they are the ones that invest in the quality of their arguments - not the quantity. Don't let an argument come into your relationship without using them to your advantage – learn something from them and move forward together.
The key to making a fight worthwhile and actually serving your relationship for the better is how you fight together. It is not about if you fight or not – it is how you do it that can truly make or break the relationship. Here are 4 important things to remember during any arguments if you want your relationship to not only last but also become a great one.
1. Watch your language
When we are in the heat of an argument and our blood is rising high with so much anger, it can be very easy to say the things we do not mean to say without thinking of the consequences. But, watching the words we use during an argument is number one when it comes to managing conflict in a healthy way. Using derogatory words, name calling or swearing is a big no-no, if you want to be able to 'make-up' quicker. The moment you incorporate harsh words into your arguments the more you make it harder for intimacy to be present again after the anger dies down.
2. Speak from the heart
Instead of focusing on the 'You said this' or 'You said that' focus on using the word "I feel…" Arguments can go around in circles when two parties are playing the memory game of what they know to be the facts. This can go on and on and create even more anger when one party does not think that 'this or that' happened. When you want to get your point of views across in the best way – stick to speaking about your feelings. Focusing on your feelings will leave no room to place blame, which is what makes it a 'fair fight'.
3. You never get to 'win' – either you win together or lose together
As much as we would like to feel that we have won an argument against our partner – there is actually no such thing. The moment we prioritize 'winning' is the moment we jeopardize the relationship. This isn't about you against your partner, this is about you and your partner being on the same boat and facing a rocky storm. You need to win together in order to survive. So, next time you feel like saying or doing anything in an argument to 'win' it, think again because you might end up being on that boat alone.
4. Something must come out of the argumen
If you want to make conflicts into something that actually serves the relationship well – you need to start having the mindset of 'we argue to find a solution'. A lot of couples fall into the cycle of arguing and making up and arguing and making up without necessarily learning anything from the arguments. This is why the same problems arise yet again in a relationship. To not fall into this cycle – each time you both have a disagreement come to a solution about what you both can do for this to be better.
